Life's Little Challenges
by JenesisX
Summary: Yuffie is babysitting Marlene when something tragic happens. How will the impatient ninja manage to handle one very distraught little girl? (This is a series of one-shots based on timed challenges and prompts. They are set within my 'Irony of Fate' AU, and you don't need to read them in any particular order.)
1. Overwhelmed: Sephiroth

**Overwhelmed**

((**Author's Note: **This story is the result of a one-hour challenge for the word "overwhelmed." It was written on Easter Sunday, April 8, 2012, and took me a total of 60 minutes. The setting is Junon Harbor post-Battlegrounds and On My Honor... So about 8 months after Irony of Fate. Sephiroth's dog is a tribute to my Great Dane, Blade of Glory. Forever in my heart.))

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**overwhelm**

1. bury or drown beneath a huge mass.

■ give too much of something to.

2. have a strong emotional effect on.

3. defeat completely; overpower.

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It was early evening as Sephiroth walked along the rocky beach. The quiet harbor was to his left, the quaint fishing town that existed below the enormous military base in which he lived to the right. Thankfully, the beach was deserted. For that he was grateful, since he had come there in order to be alone with his thoughts.

He was not entirely alone, though, loosely holding the end of a long leather leash in one gloved hand. At the end its length, staying just a few steps ahead of his master, trotted the creature who had recently become his closest friend aside from his wife. Sephiroth had never much cared for the idea of having a pet, and did not think he even liked dogs. But after the large canine had followed him home one day, starving and alone, he had inexplicably felt a connection to the creature. Before long, he had welcomed him into his home with Aeris' blessing, and they'd been inseparable ever since.

Sephiroth's new companion was not just any dog. The top of his head stood just under five feet tall, and he weighed nearly two hundred pounds. He was tan in color with a black mask from his nose to just above his eyes, and though massive he carried himself with grace and ease. He was as gentle as a mouse, though he was intimidating in appearance and the owner of an impressive bark that sent most people running. Sephiroth had fitted him with a black leather collar and a nametag which spelled out "Blade" in elegant script. The dog also wore a bandana around his thick neck, a gift from his mother, its shiny black material and phoenix emblem matching that of the base's flag.

Blade was happy to keep pace with his master, occasionally lifting his head to sniff the air, or lowering it to inspect something on the ground. He would periodically glance back at Sephiroth as if checking to make sure he was still there, and the man couldn't help but grin a bit inwardly. He did much the same thing with his wife, as if he could still not quite believe she was there with him and feared she may suddenly vanish. He understood all too well what it was to be insecure.

He felt a bit guilty for a moment as he and Blade made their way down the beach at a leisurely pace. After dinner, he had simply informed Aeris that he was going to take the dog for a walk and left their apartment before she could respond. He hadn't explained himself, or invited her to come along. She was always so understanding and tolerant of his needs, and he knew she would not be upset with him. Worried, perhaps. That alone made him feel terrible. He was always causing her to worry…

There had been so much on his mind lately that he simply felt the need to escape the confinement of their apartment and get out into the cool evening air. Aeris was an amazing support for him, one he never could have survived to this point without, but sometimes his past of isolation caught up with him and he simply needed time to himself. Having Blade gave him an excuse to get away and clear his head without looking like a complete outcast. The dog was none the wiser to his troubled thoughts, overjoyed by any excuse to take a walk.

Sephiroth thought he had been adjusting well to married life, all things considered. He and Aeris had been living together peacefully for nearly a year now. It was still awkward for him at times, and he wasn't sure he'd ever adjust entirely to so closely sharing his life with another person… but it was an experience he would not trade for anything. She was the reason he was still alive, the reason he was sane and living in relative peace and contentment. Yes, he still fought his past every day, haunted by flashbacks, guilt, self-doubt and nightmares. But he was so much better than he'd been a year ago, and he knew he owed most of that to her. Still, the pressure of maintaining that progress, and the fear that he might someday hurt her or let her down constantly weighed upon his mind.

Another issue which continued to cause him stress was the fact that Cloud would still not allow him much responsibility within Junon Harbor. He had been the highest ranking general within Shin-ra's army for years before he'd lost his mind, but even though the very plan for taking over the base had been entirely his idea, Sephiroth now found himself largely wasting his time and his abilities. Sure, Cloud occasionally allowed him to run practice drills or break in some of the new recruits, but that was it. He never consulted him about defense issues facing the town and base, he never took him on missions or gave him important assignments, and rarely gave him any real responsibility at all. It was beyond frustrating, and only served to remind him of who he was and what he had done. Even after all this time, and everything positive he had done, Cloud and most of the others still did not trust him. It hurt his feelings more than he would ever admit, and aside from that, he was downright bored.

As if these issues were not enough to complicate the life of one still learning to handle his emotions and battling to stay planted within the realm of sanity, his mother had come back to life several months ago. It was still strange to think about. Somehow, she had been cloned, progressed to the age she had been at death, and able to regain all of her memories. Then she had managed to find her way back to Vincent, after over thirty years, and the two had quickly become an item again. He still wasn't quite sure how he felt about that. It was odd to say the least.

Vincent. There was yet _another _issue in and of itself. Sephiroth shook his head and frowned to himself as Blade paused to hike his leg on a piece of driftwood. He still couldn't wrap his mind around that one. He'd spent most of his life clueless as to who his parents were, then just last year learned that the strange, reclusive man who appeared to be the same age as he was was actually his father. Ever since, the two had had an even harder time relating to one another than before. Socializing and conversation were not Sephiroth's forte, and they were a weak point for Vincent as well. Were such things inherited? he briefly wondered, daring to cross territory he usually avoided. He didn't know why he had such a hard time accepting the man as his father… He had been nothing but helpful and supportive of him along his journey back from insanity. Now, to see him with his mother for the first time, Sephiroth wasn't sure what to think. He knew he ought to be happy for them and want to get to know them as his family, but for some reason a barrier remained that he felt unable to cross. His mother tried so hard to encourage him, as did Aeris, but he simply was not ready.

The latest news he was still struggling to digest and accept was the death of Hojo. The scientist came as close as anyone had to raising him when he was a child, and he briefly thought the man was his biological father. He was still relieved that had not turned out to be true. Sephiroth had long wished to kill Hojo himself, filled with rage and hatred toward him for all he had done, but never had the opportunity. Yet when he learned he had been killed by Tseng several weeks ago, he felt more than just regret that he could not take his life himself. It was a strange, confusing feeling… one he was avoiding considering for fear of what it might be.

He sighed heavily, his head beginning to pound with tension. Why could nothing be simple? All his life, things had been difficult and complicated. Even now, when he was happier than he had ever been and working hard to be a good man, a good husband, and a good teammate, everything was a struggle. Would it ever get any easier? In some ways, he admitted that it already had… but not to the point that he ever truly felt that he could relax.

So much of his past, and most of his present relationships, remained overwhelming to him. He was still learning to be human, to experience emotions and share them with others… But he was also learning to be a husband, a son, a teammate, and perhaps eventually a friend. He glanced ahead at his dog and the corners of his mouth turned up in an attempt at a smile. The big animal seemed to adore him, following him everywhere and hanging on his every word and movement. Aeris had told him that animals could sense what kind of person you are inside, and if Blade loved him that much, it meant the creature knew he was trustworthy. Now if only he would convince everyone _else_ on the base…

Sephiroth's mind still felt full as he turned up the path leading back to town from the beach, but he did feel a bit more at ease. Though the walk had not solved any of his problems, it at least allowed him the time to think them over and try to organize his thoughts. Things really weren't going that badly, he admitted. Building upon all the new relationships he had in his life was difficult and stressful for him, but it was hardly something negative. Perhaps he would make more of an effort to speak with Vincent next time he saw him… He had a feeling no one else understood his difficulties communicating and his insecurities quite like his father did.

As they reached the road leading through town to the lift that would take them back into the base, Blade became excited and began to pull a bit at the end of the leash. The dog already knew where his home was, and he was excited to get there. When he glanced back at Sephiroth with such joy in his eyes, he couldn't help but smile. It was hard to feel alone and overwhelmed when faced with such unconditional love, after all. The thought of heading home to spend the rest of the evening with Aeris only further warmed him inside. Suddenly, he felt a lot less overwhelmed by the things he couldn't control, and almost hopeful for the future.


	2. Picnicking: Sephiroth & Aeris

**Picnicking**

((**Author's Notes: **This was the one-hour random word challenge from 04/15/12. The word is 'picnicking.' This story took me a total of 55 minutes to write.))

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**Picnicking**: _noun. _The act of having an outdoor meal.

* * *

Aeris was practically glowing with happiness as she spread out a large blanket on the shores of Junon Harbor. She'd chosen a part of the beach that had been thoroughly cleaned under her supervision a few days before, glad to see that their efforts were really beginning to pay off. She'd initially feared nothing could undo the damage and pollution left behind by Shin-ra Incorporated, but gradually and with a lot of hard work they were making great strides. She smiled at a nearby flock of seagulls bathing in the shallow water, happy to see that life was returning to the harbor.

Just behind her, Sephiroth stood quietly with his arms folded across his chest. It had been a bit difficult to get him to come along, and she was still trying to convince him that having a picnic lunch would actually be fun. Aeris had wanted to do something enjoyable with him outside of their apartment, thinking that an activity and a bit of fresh air might help improve his state of mind. He'd been rather stressed lately, and she wanted nothing more than to be able to help him relax.

At least Blade was happy. The large dog who had followed Sephiroth home one day and wormed his way into his master's heart was happily milling about, sniffing at every piece of driftwood he came across. He was not on a leash but stayed close by, having quickly become extremely loyal to his new family. Every now and then, he would playfully frolic after one of the seagulls, but he never made any real effort to catch one. He may have been nearly two hundred pounds, but he was as gentle as a lamb. Blade was clearly Sephiroth's dog right from the start, but he loved Aeris as well. She was just glad that her husband had found a pet to bond with, already able to see how much the dog helped him deal with and express his feelings. If it made her husband happy, Aeris was ecstatic. Precious few things did, a fact that made her heart ache for him.

Once the blanket was spread out before them, Aeris moved the basket of food they'd brought along to rest upon it. She smiled at her husband as she sat down, gesturing for him to join her. He hesitated for a moment, turning to make sure Blade was still within his sight, then finally approached the blanket. He always looked as if he was marching to his death when doing something he really did not want to, and Aeris fought not to frown with frustration. Instead, as he folded his long legs beneath him and got comfortable, she reached out and covered one of his hands with hers. He was wearing those stupid gloves again, but she tried not to think about it.

"Isn't this nice?" she asked cheerfully, enjoying the afternoon sun upon her face. Her husband turned to her and looked a bit confused, as if he couldn't understand what was so good about it.

"I suppose…" he said, his tone neutral. "Blade is certainly enjoying himself."

Aeris held back a sigh of frustration. _The point is that I want _you_ to enjoy yourself… _

Instead, she simply nodded and glanced over at the dog, finding him to be knee-deep in the water and curiously watching a small school of fish swimming by.

"Tseng, Reno, and Rude worked really hard to clean up this part of the beach," she said instead, feeling proud of how much improvement they had made. "I can't believe how much better it looks already… I'm so happy. And the Planet has been much happier, too."

"I am glad," he responded, and he did finally look pleased. A small smile turned up the corners of his mouth, and when he met her eyes his expression was much less guarded.

Aeris knew he understood how difficult it was for her to feel the pain of the Planet and its cries for help inside her head. Of everyone she'd ever known, he alone knew what it was to feel different from all others, to hear things and have disturbing feelings one could not control. The near-telepathic bond they shared only furthered that connection, and for the first time in her life Aeris did not feel alone. She knew Sephiroth felt the same way, though he rarely was able to voice his feelings. She had seen inside his mind, however, and knew that they were there. His emotions were so strong despite the fact that he had hidden them for most of his life, and her empathy as a Cetra allowed her to experience them with him even when he was unable to share them on his own. Perhaps that was why their relationship was a success despite how closed-off and tense Sephiroth remained.

She smiled at him warmly, shifting over a few inches until she was able to lean against him and rest her head upon his shoulder. After a moment, he slipped an arm around her and pulled her close. Aeris sighed with contentment, never happier than when he was openly affectionate with her. She could feel the love radiating from him, as warm as the sun that made the harbor shimmer and sparkle.

"I thought spending time out here where it's so peaceful might be good for you," she ventured, a bit hesitant. "I know you've been under a lot of stress lately…"

She felt him tense against her, but he sighed heavily after a moment and relaxed a bit. "There has been… much on my mind."

"I know…" she said quietly, placing one small hand on his thigh as she continued to rest against him. "It would be a lot for anyone to deal with."

"I feel like I am… accepting things with my parents well enough," he said slowly, as if carefully monitoring each word he spoke. "But Cloud is still determined to make my life unpleasant, and then the Turks arrived…"

Aeris knew that what he left unspoken, the news that Professor Hojo had been killed by Tseng, was perhaps what was weighing most heavily on his mind. He still had not been willing to discus it, but she suspected the relief he felt at the scientist's death was tempered by other, more complicated emotions. She was certain a part of him, however small, grieved for the man who had raised him… regardless of how cruel and cold he had been. After all, Hojo had really been all he had for much of his life, the only person who was consistently present in his young life. Even though he was far from a loving caretaker, that connection was still hard to deny. Aeris had seen inside Sephiroth's mind that he was also filled with regret, wishing that he had been able to kill Hojo himself. The conflicting feelings he had about the situation were difficult for him to deal with, at times nearly overpowering. She'd learned never to pressure him to share his feelings, however, accepting that he would tell her when he was ready.

"You do seem to be developing a good relationship with Lucrecia," Aeris said, trying to point out the good things in his life that he had made progress toward. "And Vincent is coming along a bit, too… You two are just so much alike, it's almost comical." She grinned at the surprised expression on his face, still unsure of why that fact was so difficult for him to accept.

"Hmph…"

"And maybe I can talk to Cloud again? He _is _being rather unfair to you… It's such a waste of your abilities for him not to let you do anything important around here. He's mellowed out a bit since marrying Tifa, but still. He needs to grow up a bit more, and I'd be more than happy to tell him so."

Aeris felt a rare bit of anger rise within her as she spoke. Cloud was her friend, but he had no reason to continue to ostracize her husband when he had done nothing even remotely wrong in well over a year. In fact, it was _Cloud_ who had been violent and unpredictable, a fact that seemed lost on their young leader and many of the other members of Avalanche.

"No, no," Sephiroth said, dismissively waving a hand in the air. "It is fine…"

Aeris bit her lower lip, able to sense his frustration and hurt. But if he didn't want her to interfere, she would respect his wishes. "All right… but if you change your mind, I will be more than happy to do it. You know I'm always here for you. No matter what happens."

She looked up into his face, lifting a hand to rest against his smooth cheek. He briefly closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. She could feel him relax, mind and body, and it filled her with a joy she could barely contain. To Aeris, there was nothing more wonderful on the entire Planet.

When he opened his eyes again, she shivered at the intensity of the emotions she saw there. Sephiroth had dropped his guard, a sight that remained one of the most beautiful in the world as far as Aeris was concerned. She sighed happily as he leaned over and kissed her, softly at first as if unsure of himself. But as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, their kisses quickly became far more passionate. She forgot where she was as she clung to him, her heart racing as a familiar warmth spread through her body. She didn't resist when he gently laid her down on the blanket and hovered over her, his emerald eyes shining with love and desire.

"I love you," she said in nearly a whisper, running her hands through his silver hair and drinking in the sight of him. He smiled, a rare genuine one, before leaning over to kiss her again.

"And I you," he said when he briefly broke the contact, his voice soft and almost shy. He leaned down and began to kiss her neck, causing a soft moan of pleasure to escape her. She closed her eyes again and held him close, completely losing herself. She could feel his mind brushing against hers as clearly as she felt his lips on her skin, nearly overwhelmed by the intense rush of feelings washing over her. This was definitely better than simply having lunch on the beach…

Suddenly, something cold and wet pressed firmly against the other side of Aeris' neck. Her eyes flew open and she tensed with alarm, turning her head to find herself staring into the nostrils of a very curious Great Dane. Sephiroth froze and lifted his head, frowning as the large dog excitedly sniffed them and thrust his head between their bodies. For a moment, Aeris was annoyed and about to scold the dog, but one look into his warm brown eyes was all it took. The creature was nearly grinning. She burst out laughing, relieved when Sephiroth finally smirked a bit and snorted in amusement.

"I think he's reminding us that we're in public, and that our lunch is waiting," Aeris giggled. She was still disappointed when Sephiroth removed himself from over top of her and sat up, his cheeks quite flushed. She sat as well, grinning as he ran a hand back through his disheveled hair and took a deep breath to calm himself. Blade began to sniff at the picnic basket, a bit of drool running from his mouth. Sometimes it seemed that the enormous dog understood everything that was said.

"Very well…" Sephiroth reluctantly agreed, though a mischievous expression remained on his handsome face. "But afterwards, we are going directly home."


	3. Winning: Cid, Yuffie & the Turks

**Winning**

((**Author's Note: **One hour timed challenge for 4/22/12 based upon the random word 'winning.' WARNING: Obtains a lot of profanity and other obscene terminology. What do you expect, Reno and Cid are _both_ in this one, haha. The story took me about 46 minutes before editing… It's a little shorter than some of my previous efforts, but I've had a massive headache all day and then I couldn't stop laughing… Apologies in advance! lol ))

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**Winning**: adjective. successful or victorious, as in a contest: the winning team.

* * *

A battle for domination was set to begin in the living room of Reno and Rude's Junon Harbor Apartment. Two teams of three had been formed by picking scraps of paper out of a gun holster. Instead of poker, this week, the Turks and their guests were about to engage in an intense game of Charades.

Yuffie had managed to get herself invited after overhearing Cid and Reno talking about the upcoming game and laughing about how much fun it was going to be. She'd been spending a lot of time with the latter, often placed in charge of at least two of the former Shin-ra employees several times a week. Cid had immediately begun teasing her about having a crush on the redhead, which she'd vehemently denied after kicking him in the shin and swearing in Wutaiin. She had indeed turned flaming red, however.

She was seated at one end of the couch, Elena in the middle and Tseng on the other side. Cid, Reno, and Rude made up the opposing team, which was decidedly more drunken than their opponents. Yuffie was too young to drink, Elena was pregnant, and Tseng never seemed to touch liquor outside of a rare glass of wine with dinner. The other three were gathered nearby, a forest of empty cans already surrounding them.

"You fuckers are going DOWN!" Reno shouted, his voice amplified by the six pack he'd already finished. Cid ran a finger across his throat and smirked menacingly. Rude remained quiet and polished off another beer, ahead of Reno in count but not effect.

"No way! You guys are already too plastered to concentrate," Yuffie said with a confident grin. "Besides, the three of us are WAY smarter than you guys."

"Bring it, little girl," Cid said, nearly finished a six pack of his own.

"Someone have a gil to flip and see who starts?" Elena asked, rolling her eyes at the posturing. She was far too used to it by now.

Cid reached into his aviator's jacket and removed a coin. After picking a side and flipping it, Team Sobriety won the chance to go first. Yuffie had been elected her group of three's first performer, eagerly rising to her feet and drawing a card from the stack on the coffee table. She read it and frowned in thought, then a wide smile crossed her face.

"Okay!" she exclaimed, nodding to Rude, who was in charge of the hourglass that would time each challenge. "I'm ready!"

"Go!" Rude flipped it upside down and set it on the table beside the cards, and Yuffie quickly went into action.

She immediately dropped to the ground on all fours and raised her rump into the air, shaking it a little. Reno dissolved into laughter, as did Cid.

"Buttsex!"

"Rufus!"

"GUYS! It's not your turn to guess," Elena scolded them, trying hard not to laugh and to focus on trying to guess what Yuffie was _actually_ doing. Although… it sure did look like one of the two to her.

Yuffie was laughing so hard she almost fell forward onto her face, but she was competitive enough to collect herself and continue trying. Remaining in the same posture, she launched herself forward, landing on her hands and knees a couple feet away.

"A frog!" Elena guessed. "Or… a… rabbit?"

Yuffie shook her head and repeated the rump-shaking and forward movement.

"I still say it's Rufus," Cid snickered, slapping his knee with an open palm. "Or maybe Hojo."

"Your time is half up," Rude informed them, grinning widely.

Since they had decided ahead of time to allow the use of props, Yuffie rose to her feet, grabbed a large pillow from the couch, and tossed it onto the floor. She then crouched down again and launched herself forward, landing on top of it and violently grabbing the pillow with her arms.

"Giving a flying fuck!"

"RENO!"

"Leap! Um…Tackle?" Elena paused, nervously glancing at the hour glass.

"Pounce," Tseng said matter-of-factly, to Yuffie's immediate delight. She jumped to her feet and hopped up and down, attempting to high-five her teammate. He looked a bit reluctant but held up his hand for her to slap anyway.

"Yessss!" Yuffie exclaimed. "See! You guys suck! _And_ you're cheating! You're not allowed to talk when it's our turn!"

"Reno can't keep his mouth shut that long," Tseng said dryly, pausing to sip his tea.

"HEY! I can too!"

"Your turn, losers," Elena grinned.

Reno stood and stretched dramatically, captain and first actor for The Booze Brothers. "All right, kids… This is how it's done!" He drew a card, and immediately began to frown. "What the fuck! How the _hell _am I supposed to-"

"Hey, no hints!" Yuffie exclaimed, returning to her seat and glaring at him. "Big mouth!"

Reno sighed heavily, looking around the room as if searching for a potential prop. "Uhh…. Okay, I guess."

"And… start!"

As soon as the timer began, Reno threw himself to the floor, then popped up again and smiled a wide, cheesy grin. His teammates stared blankly. So he did it again. And again.

And again.

"Reno, we _clearly_ have no idea what the hell you're doing," Rude said, a bit frustrated. "Try something different."

Reno started to say something, then remembered the rules for once and shut his mouth. A moment later, his cat Pissy had the misfortune of walking into the room. Reno's blue eyes lit up, and he grabbed the surprised animal around its waist.

Everyone watched with a sort of horrified fascination as Reno climbed up onto the coffee table, held Pissy high above his head, and jumped off. He then allowed himself to collapse to the floor, lowering the tomcat onto his chest.

"Raining cats and dogs," Rude suggested, still sounding baffled. Reno shook his head, and Pissy meowed plaintively.

"My cat is a hat!" Cid suggested, his words a bit slurred.

Reno shook his head, climbed to his feet, and mounted the table once more. He raised Pissy into the air, the feline's yellow eyes wide and his tail flicking back and forth in agitation. Once more, he hopped off and dropped to the floor, attempting to do so in slow motion. This time, he gently laid the cat across his face.

"Your time is half up," Elena informed their team, unable to look away from the strange spectacle that was Reno. _This_ was going to be her baby's godfather? What had she been thinking…

"Getting pussy! Eating her out!"

"Cat's got your tongue?"

"Golden showers! Um… Cunnilingus!"

Yuffie covered her ears with both hands and began to hum loudly, and Elena hid her face against Tseng's shoulder. The former leader of the Turks sighed with disgust, but he was smiling despite himself.

Pissy finally broke away from Reno, fleeing the room as fast as his little kitty legs could take him. Reno sprawled out on the floor, sighing heavily, exhausted and more than a little smashed.

"Time's up."

"What the hell was _that?_"Cid exclaimed, Reno making no effort to move from where he had landed.

"Parachuting!" Reno exclaimed as if his teammates were the stupidest people on the Planet, finally pulling himself to a sit and letting out a very loud belch.

"What?" Cid exclaimed.

"Bless you," Tseng said dryly.

"How the _fuck_ was that parachuting?" Rude asked, reaching for another beer.

"See, I got up on the table, right? Like a mountain or something… Then Pissy was my chute! _Gods! _It couldn't have been any more obvious. Retards."

"…. Right."

"Now I'm starving from all that hard work!" Reno complained, his stomach growling audibly. "How about we order some pizzas?" He looked at Cid hopefully, as he and none of the other ex-Turks had any gil… and he doubted Yuffie was going to share any of hers.

"Yeah… That sounds good," Cid agreed, rising to his feet and wobbling more than a little. Yuffie sighed heavily.

"I have a feeling we're gonna end up winning by default, once these knuckleheads stuff themselves and pass out drunk," she said to Tseng and Elena, shaking her head as she reached for her soda. "But whatever! A win is a win, after all!"


	4. Torment: The Turks

**Torment**

((**Author's Note: **This was the one-hour random word challenge for 4/29/12. As soon as I saw the word 'torment,' I knew what I was going to do! Lol… Anyway, this story took me about 57 minutes. It takes place during the Shin-ra days for the Turks, obviously. Please spend a moment and let me know what you think! Thanks! _~ JenesisX_))

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**Torment: **persecution or the repeated inflicting of suffering or annoyance

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Another boring day at the office. Sure, there was actual work that needed to be done, but it was _boring_ work. Reports to write. Questionnaires to fill out. Memos to read. Stupid shit like that. It was definitely not the exciting and cool Turk stuff Reno lived for.

He stared at the pile of papers sitting on his desk among the assorted candy bar wrappers, empty bags of chips, soda cans, and dirty coffee cups. The stack seemed to be growing in size right before him. Maybe that was because it _was, _as he hadn't done a thing with any of the documents in well over a week and Tseng kept putting more in his inbox. Some were repeat copies of things he'd already been given and asked to handle, now including sticky-notes in his boss' neat script, demanding he take care of them 'as soon as possible.'

Reno took liberty with that phrase, grinning crookedly as he looked down at one such request. Well, when these things were so damn boring, it just wasn't _possible_ for him to read them! Reno wouldn't admit it to the others, but he wasn't all that good a reader to begin with, and did so slowly even when he really tried to concentrate. He supposed he should have actually gone to school more often instead of hanging out on the streets getting into trouble. And when he did actually turn up for class, he probably should have done so sober. Aah well… a bit later for that now.

Reno groaned loudly, leaning far back in his chair and stretching his hands high above and behind his head. He glanced up at the clock on the wall and frowned, noting that he'd been at his desk for just over an hour. Behind him, Rude was typing away as usual, effortlessly taking care of his assignments in a way that Reno both hated and envied. He despised being shown up and made to look like an idiot. At least Rude was his best friend, though, and when he had extra time would actually assist Reno in getting some of his own work done. He was the best partner a lazy, procrastinating Turk with mild dyslexia could hope for.

And then there was Elena. Reno rolled his chair back from his cubicle and glanced down the aisle to his right, finding the young blond woman busily at work in front of her own computer. They had recently been sent out on an assignment together, which was a bit rare, because Rude had been using a few of his vacation days and Tseng was still not completely recovered from his recent injury. Their boss had very nearly been killed by a madman in the Temple of the Ancients and was still relegated to light duty until further notice. With each of their usual partners unavailable, Reno and Elena found themselves stuck together. When they'd returned from their mission, she'd immediately typed up a long, flawless report that put everyone else in the office to shame. Reno arrived the next morning to be greeted by an e-mail from Tseng, wanting to know where _his_ report was. He and Rude had a system, in which they tried to turn in their work around the same time so neither was made to look bad, and _never _on the same day they returned from the assignment. You didn't want to set the boss' expectations too high, after all. Elena apparently did not know the system at all.

_No, she knows… _he thought, studying her closely. It's just that she was now sleeping with their boss. He shook his head, snickering to himself. She and Tseng thought no one knew, but to Reno and Rude, it was painfully obvious. They might have been fooling everyone else, but not the two men who worked with them the closest. He had long suspected they had a thing for each other, but a few weeks back when Tseng had finally returned to Midgar, Reno knew immediately that they'd crossed that line. Tseng seemed more relaxed, even cheerful at times, and Elena blushed every time she looked his way. It was highly amusing to watch, and Reno was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to inform them of his knowledge.

Elena seemed to feel his eyes burning into her and stopped typing, turning to focus on him with a frown. "What?" she asked, her expression curious and a little concerned.

"Nothing…" Reno said, trying to sound mysterious. He continued to stare at a spot on her cheek, causing her to frown and lift her hand to see if something was there. He smirked inwardly and continued to stare.

"_What?_" she asked again, squirming a bit under his unblinking gaze. When he still didn't stop or change his expression, she growled under her breath in irritation and shook her head. "Don't you have work to do or something?"

Reno frowned, allowing his annoyance to cross his face. "Yeah… Especially since _someone _continually has their lips attached to Tseng's ass and makes the rest of us look bad," he said loudly, pleased when her face turned bright red.

"Shut up!" she exclaimed in nearly a shriek, looking around nervously to see who else might have heard. The office was empty other than the three of them, however, most of the other Turks either out on assignment or taking their lunch breaks. At his desk behind Reno, he could hear Rude snickering quietly as he continued to type.

"Maybe if I wanted to get in the boss' pants, I'd work harder, too."

"Reno!" she shouted, her blue eyes glaring daggers at him.

He smiled innocently, casually folding his hands behind his head. "Yes?"

"… I hate you so much sometimes!"

Elena turned back to her desk in a huff, taking out her anger as she pounded on the keys much harder than necessary. Reno rolled back to his own computer, giggling, and opened up a blank document. Maybe he would try to write that report after all…

"That was mean," he heard a deep voice say behind him. Without turning, Reno shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe so, Rude… but she's always doing extra shit and making us look like tools! And you know as well as I do _exactly_ why."

Rude grunted. "She also tries so hard because she's still relatively new, she's the only high-ranking woman in the Turks, and she thinks she has something to prove."

Reno snorted. "And she wants to get laid at the end of the day," he grumbled under his breath. "Shit, me too, but doing all this fucking paper work is _not_ worth it!"

"I don't know… I like any excuse to go and see that secretary with the nice breasts."

Reno grinned, knowing exactly which employee his friend was referring to. In fact, not to brag, but he'd already slept with her. Twice. Still, she tended to wear low cut blouses, and suddenly he and Rude both needed a lot more copies made.

"Hehe… Good point."

Rude went silent again, focusing on his work in a way Reno couldn't understand. He sighed loudly, opening one of his desk drawers and peering inside as if it held the solution to his problems. His eyes widened and he grinned mischievously as he studied its contents. Perhaps it did…

He quickly removed a handful of rubber bands, placing the pile atop his stack of paperwork. Concentrating, he selected one and checked its elasticity. Satisfied, he rolled his chair back again, took aim, and fired at the back of Elena's head.

"Direct hit!" he shouted as it smacked into her, tangling itself in her blond hair. Elena shrieked in surprise, reaching up to grab her head before turning toward Reno with a look that could have melted stone.

"RENO!" she shouted, finally plucking the offending object from her hair and slamming it into her trash can. "Knock it off, you jerk!"

"Or else what?"

"I'll go tell Tseng that you-" she immediately cut herself off, blushing bright red.

"Oh noooo, don't go tell your boyfriend on me!"

"_Go to hell!_"

"Oooh, she's gettin' pissed now, Rude."

Steam was practically rising from the top of Elena's head, and her hands were balled into fists in her lap. Reno giggled, picked up another rubber band, and fired it directly at her chest. She yelped, then glared at him indignantly.

"Grow up! You are so freaking immature and-"

Another rubber band hit her right between the eyes.

"THAT'S IT!"

Elena was instantly on her feet, storming down the aisle and out the door of their shared office space. Reno had a pretty good idea where she was going, still snickering to himself.

"You're going to get in trouble," Rude admonished him, having never stopped typing during the battle.

"It was worth it," Reno said with a shrug, finally beginning to type out the beginning of his overdue report. "She deserves it for being such a suck up."

"Picking on the boss' girl is a really bad idea, though…"

"Eh. What's he going to do to me?"

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

About an hour later, a much calmer Elena reappeared in the office, wearing a pleased smile she couldn't seem to wipe off her face. Reno wasn't sure if he was imagining it or not, but her suit jacket looked a bit rumpled, as if it had been put back on in a bit of a hurry. She walked past he and Rude without so much as a glance, quietly returning to her desk and getting right back to work.

"Hey, Rude… I think Elena jus-"

He was interrupted by the loud ringing of the phone on his cluttered desk. Brushing aside a few items of trash that fell to the floor, he grabbed it and held it up to his ear.

"This is Reno, yo," he said, his standard greeting. "What's up?"

"Reno…"

He immediately recognized Tseng's voice, frowning a bit with sudden concern. He'd been half expecting it, but was still a bit surprised that Elena had actually gone and told on him after all.

"Yeah, boss?"

"It seems you have a lot of free time on your hands today," Tseng said, and for some reason it sounded like he might be smiling. "So I've placed some additional work in your inbox, along with several reports you need to redo because of their… quality. I also expect to have the write-up of your last assignment finished before I clock out. Do not leave for the day until everything is finished, please, regardless of how long it takes."

"But… dude- um, sir! Do you know how much-"

"Thank you." There was a click as Tseng hung up the phone, leaving Reno to lower his and stare at it in horror. As he did so, he heard the soft sound of giggling from across the room.

He leaned back and found Elena grinning broadly, trying very hard not to burst out into laughter. He glared, grinding his teeth in annoyance. Elena finally straightened her blazer, winked at him, then turned back to her computer. She was practically glowing with satisfaction.

"God dammit," Reno grumbled under his breath, climbing to his feet and heading with trepidation to see what horrors had been added to his inbox across the hall. "Fuck me, man…"

"Told you so," Rude said, shaking his bald head. "Looks like you'll be pulling an all-nighter… and not the kind _she's_ likely to have. Ha!"


	5. Swim: Reno & Yuffie

**Swim**

((**Author's Note**: This is a one-hour random word challenge for "Swim." It took about 48 minutes.))

* * *

**Swim:** verb (used without object)

1. to move in water by movements of the limbs, fins, tail, etc.

2. to float on the surface of water or some other liquid.

* * *

It was just floating out there, taunting them. As they stood upon the shore of the harbor, it laughed and mocked them, daring them to come and get it and put an end to its reign of terror.

"Fucking barrel," Reno swore, glaring at it as he smoked and stalled for as long as possible. Stalling was a talent as natural to him as breathing and swearing.

The object of his mirth bobbed gently up and down in the water, more than happy to remain far away from shore leaking its pollution and avoiding all attempts to retrieve it.

"It's too far out there, we won't be able to reach it," Rude observed, shaking his bald head at their supervisor for the day. "Too bad…"

"But we _have _to!" Yuffie exclaimed, coming perilously close to whining. "It's the only thing Aeris told me to have you guys do for sure today! Come ooooon, think of something!"

"No, you," Reno snorted, throwing his cigarette butt into the harbor as if daring it to burst into flames and solve the problem for them. "You're the thinker, we're just the hired grunts who do all the dirty work."

"Well, looks like someone is gonna have to swim out there and drag it to the beach," Yuffie shrugged after studying the offending barrel for a moment. It was of the large wooden variety and visibly leaking a dark fluid of some kind into the harbor they'd been trying so hard to clean. It seemed to have washed in during a storm several days before and was showing no signs of leaving unless forced to do so.

"Okay, seeya!"

"Not _me_, you idiot. You just said I'm the thinker, and _you _do the dirty stuff!"

Reno's face went a bit pale. "Er, but… no! That's crossing the line. There is no way in hell I am swimming out there! The water is gross enough, and we don't have a fucking clue what the hell is leaking from that thing. I might die!"

"I'm willing to chance it."

"Well, _I'm_ not!"

"Don't even look at me," Rude added, leaning up against a large bolder and folding his arms across his chest.

Yuffie frowned and glared back and forth between the two former Turks, the disgust and frustration evident in her dark eyes. She wished that Tseng with her again, because even if he also refused to swim out into the polluted harbor, she was fairly sure he'd at least be able to think of another solution. But no. As luck would have it, she was again stuck with Reno, and Rude wasn't being much help, either. She sighed, fighting an urge to slap the redhead as he snickered at her annoyance and started smoking again.

"Look, it _has_ to be done," she said, trying not to let how annoyed she was with the pair of them slip into her voice. She was pretty sure she failed. "We need to think of a way to get it to shore… It's leaking gross stuff into the water! We can't let it get any more polluted, or we'll never stop having to come down here and clean up nasty shit like this."

"You do raise a valid point, runt," Reno agreed thoughtfully. "So what's it worth to you for me to go out there and get it?"

"…. What?"

"If I'm gonna swim out there in that stinky filth and drag that big fucking barrel of gods know what all the way back to shore, it's gonna cost ya."

"That isn't how this works, jackass! You guys get to live here and be safe from Shin-ra, and in exchange have to do whatever jobs we tell you to. You signed a contract, I saw it!"

"What are you gonna do if I refuse, kick me out?" Reno snickered, clearly enjoying watching her face turn red with anger. "Oh noooo, please don't make me leave this stinky-ass boring town I hate. That would just _kill_ me!"

Yuffie turned her back to him for a moment, trying to collect herself before she really let him have it. She instead looked toward Rude, her eyes almost pleading with the large man to do something about the situation.

"You don't have any ideas?" she asked him, hating the way he always hid his eyes behind his dark sunglasses. She could never tell what he was thinking, and he was already intimidating enough at his size.

"Nope… sorry."

Yuffie nearly growled with frustration, then spun on her heel to face Reno again. "FINE, jerk, you win! I just want to get this done and over with, so I will humor you this one time. What do I have to do to get you to swim out there and get the damn thing?"

Reno immediately began to giggle, grinning crookedly. It took her a moment to understand what he found so amusing.

"Ewww! Gross! I_ hate _you!"

"Why, Yuffie! I'm surprised at you, young lady. I would never think _anything _like that. Gods, you sure have a filthy mind for a little punk." He only laughed harder when she turned even more red and her expression morphed into a dark scowl.

"Can you be serious for two freaking minutes?!" she exclaimed, briefly considering shoving him into the harbor and giving him a head start.

"I can try. Let me think about what I might like in exchange for my elite services..."

Reno made a big show of lifting a hand to his chin and tilting his head thoughtfully. Yuffie rolled her eyes, convinced that he was indeed the most annoying person on the face of the Planet. Considering the fact that she knew both Barret and Cid, that was saying something.

"Just hurry up already… It's passed lunch time by now."

"Okay. For starters, you can take me and Rude to that really good sandwich place for lunch instead of just the damn Bulldog Tavern again. And we can of course order whatever we want. Which includes beers."

"Fine. Then hurry up and-"

"No, no, I'm not done! I'm not doing this for just lunch and some booze. I'm not that cheap."

"Then what the hell else do you want?"

"I need a case of cigarettes and beer, and a new deck of playing cards. And my kitty needs some catnip and those fuzzy little toy mice that rattle. His favorite color is green."

"Okay… done. So get-"

"Then tonight, you are gonna take me out for a nice juicy steak dinner. After that, we'll rent some movies and get a bunch of snacks to enjoy with them. I of course get to pick out all the movies. And I also want a large chocolate milkshake."

"You're really starting to push your luck."

Reno shrugged. "Whatever, then." He turned and began to walk down the beach, headed back in the direction of the small fishing town tucked below the base. "Bye, Mister Barrel! Have fun leaking your toxic funk into the harbor!"

"RENO!"

He turned and looked back over his shoulder, arching an eyebrow. "Yessss?"

"Get back here! I'll do all of that, just get the hell in there and pull it out before we all die of old age!"

"But I'm not finished with my list of demands yet!"

Rude yawned loudly, shaking his head and checking his watch. Yuffie could hear his stomach growling.

"What _else_ do you want, then, asshole!?" Yuffie demanded, no longer bothering to hide her disgust. Reno grinned, cracked his knuckles, and started to remove his shoes.

"You have to flash me."

"WHAT?!"

"You heard me. See, since I moved down here, I haven't had much luck with the ladies, and I don't have any money for decent… entertainment. So I wanna see some boobs. Don't worry, you can leave your bra on if you're a prude… If you even need one? I really wish Tifa was here instead, but… you'll have to do."

Yuffie was struck speechless for long moments, turning more red than anyone would have thought humanly possible. Her mouth dropped open, but no sound emerged. Reno was watching her with a big grin on his face, clearly pleased with himself.

"Do I get to look, too?" Rude asked Reno hopefully.

"Yep. Because you're my BFF."

"Thanks, Reno."

"WAIT! I did _not_ agree to that! You… you are such a disgusting pervert, Reno! I hate you so much! I hope you swim out there and drown! No, wait. I hope you swim out there, and the barrel is leaking toxic sludge that ends up neutering you! Slowly and painfully!"

"Dude… No need to be so mean. You should take it as a compliment!"

"….."

"So is that a yes, or is the barrel staying put so Aeris can come down here and cry over the dead fish some more? I bet that will piss off Sephiroth pretty good…"

Yuffie swallowed nervously, weighing the options in her mind. As much as the idea disgusted and embarrassed her, she had to admit that she _was_ just a tiny bit flattered. She was also desperate to continue proving herself to the other members of Avalanche and did not want to have to explain why she was unable to complete the assignment. She badly wanted to be taken seriously and seen as an important member of the team, and she was willing to sacrifice a good deal in order to accomplish that goal. And the barrel really _was _causing quite a mess…

"… fine," she finally managed to say in a small voice, more than a little surprised at herself. "But you can't tell _anyone _I did this! I swear to the gods, if you do, I _will_ beat the living shit out of you and make it so you can't think with your primary brain ever again. You know I can and will. Got it?"

"Hehe, got it!" Reno grinned triumphantly, slipping out of his shoes and socks before pulling his shirt off over his head. "You first."

"What? No way! Knowing you, I'll do it and you'll take off without holding up your end of the bargain."

"I am appalled that you think so little of me. Truly appalled."

"Gee, I _wonder why!_"

Reno grinned crookedly, took a deep breath, and slowly began to wade out into the polluted waters. Soon he was swimming back to shore while towing the large barrel of pollution behind him, still smiling even as he fought not to gag at the smell. It may have been a horrible thing to have to do, but he could take a long shower and easily remove the stench and sludge from his body. The rewards he was going to receive, most especially the mental image that would soon be permanently etched upon his mind, were more than worth it as far as he was concerned. He only wished he had a PHS available with which to snap a picture.


	6. Arrest: Reno

**Arrest**

((**Author's Note**: This is a one-hour random challenge for the word "arrest." It took 57 minutes before minor editing. I got a sudden idea related to my short one-shot _Sabotage_, and just ran with it. I suggest reading that story first to increase enjoyment and get the full impact, hehe. Just the usual warning for Reno's foul language! ~ _JenesisX))_

* * *

**Arrest**: verb;to seize (a person) by legal authority or warrant; take into custody: The police arrested the burglar.

* * *

A sudden noise jolted Reno from a sound sleep. A very loud, persistent noise. He bolted up in bed, accidentally knocking his cat Pissy onto the floor. The feline mewed indignantly, glaring up at him with wide yellow eyes. The offending sound continued, repeating over and over in the darkness of his apartment within Shin-ra Headquarters. As he sleepily rubbed his eyes, his brain finally processed that someone was knocking at his door. Forcefully.

"What the fuck…" he mumbled, glancing at the alarm clock on the bedside table. Two thirty-four a.m. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

He waited, debating whether or not to ignore whoever it was and hope they went away, or stomp over there and give them a piece of his mind. One did _not_ fuck with Reno's sleep. From the look on Pissy's face as he stretched and gazed curiously across the room, it seemed the feline felt the same way.

The banging, however, showed no signs of stopping. As Reno swung his legs over the side of the bed and started to walk towards the door in his boxer shorts, his favorite pair with cartoon people in various sexual positions spread across the silk fabric, an equally insistent voice added to the barrage of sound.

"Police! Open up!"

Reno froze, suddenly wide awake. Police? Well, _that_ couldn't be good. Maybe it had something to do with an assignment he'd been on lately… but at _this_ hour? He was reasonably sure even Tseng was curled up in bed by now, likely with his young blond paramour, all thoughts of work long gone from his mind for the day. So why were the police pounding on his door, and who the hell had sent them?

He quickly scanned his mind, frantically checking to be sure he hadn't broken any laws as of late. He came up with his usual vices, but nothing major… certainly nothing worthy of bringing an angry police officer to his door in the middle of the night! Maybe it was a mistake and they had the wrong apartment number…

"We know you're in there!" the angry voice shouted again, following it up with even more ferocious pounding. "Open up or we're breaking the door down!"

"All right, hold on!" Reno yelled back, quickly crossing the room and beginning to unlatch the door. That dude sounded serious. "Calm down already, shit…"

He pulled open the door, momentarily blinded by the bright lights of the hallway. He squinted, standing there in just his underwear, startled to find half a dozen very large Midgar police officers in full riot gear staring back at him as if he was the scum of the earth. Seemed a bit like overkill if you asked him… Reno knew he looked a bit ragged when he first woke up, but didn't everyone?

"Um… Can I help you…?" he asked, more confused than frightened.

"You Reno?" the cop standing closest to the door asked in a gruff voice. It was the same voice that had just been shouting at him, so he assumed this asshole was the one in charge.

"Yes…"

The cop moved so quickly that Reno, still sluggish after being so rudely awakened, did not have time to react. The man grabbed a hold of his arm and yanked him out into the hallway, quickly turning him to slam face-first into the wall. The guy was huge and easily held both of Reno's hands behind his back with minimal effort. A second later there was the unmistakable feel of cold metal surrounding his wrists, followed by a sharp click.

"What the fuck?!" Reno exclaimed, the cop still roughly pinning him to the wall with his hands now tightly cuffed behind his back. "What did I do?!"

The officer laughed bitterly as his companions stormed into the apartment as if on an important raid, their weapons drawn. "What did you do… That's a good one, pervert!"

"Seriously, man. I have no fucking clue what you guys want. Am I under arrest or something?"

"You bet you are!" the cop exclaimed, instantly beginning to parrot Reno's rights as if he were starring in one of those bad cops dramas on television. It was what he said next that nearly dropped the floor out from beneath his feet. "Reno, you are under arrest for the rape and murder of all those poor girls down in the slums!" he exclaimed when he finished.

"….WHAT?!"

The cop roughly shoved Reno back into his apartment and onto the couch, glaring at him hatefully and pointing a beefy finger right into his face. "You are one sick fuck, and you are going to hang for this."

"You're crazy! I didn't do anything!"

"That's what they all say. Save it for the judge."

"But-"

"SHUT UP!" the cop screamed, leaning over just inches from Reno's face. He snapped his mouth shut and watched in stunned disbelief as the other officers tore through his belonging, searching for evidence. One of them went directly to his nightstand and opened up his "Drawer of Fun" as if he knew exactly where to look.

"Aha!" he exclaimed dramatically, and Reno swallowed a bit nervously. The man was soon pulling out the hidden cache of items one at a time and placing them side by side on the unmade bed. A baggie of dried green leafy stuff, a few Play-SOLDIER magazines and one or two more graphic titles, a large bottle of unlabeled prescription pills, some expensive warming lubricant… Reno blushed, beginning to giggle nervously as the officer turned toward him accusingly. He held up the half-empty bottle of lube in one hand and the pills in the other, rattling them before arching an eyebrow.

"These yours?"

"Um… Well, yeah," Reno answered, seeing no point in denying it. How the hell did the guy know just where to look first thing? Were nightstands the spot where _everyone _hid their goods? He supposed he needed a new happy place once this was over. Reno shrugged as best he could with his hands behind his back, smirking crookedly. "Don't you do anything for fun in your spare time?"

The officer only glared, turning and beginning to place each item into carefully labeled evidence bags. Reno watched as if observing some strange dream, unable to process that this was actually happening. Rape? Murder? _Him? _He loved women, and he abhorred domestic violence after growing up in a household full of it. There was just no way. Surely he could talk some sense into _someone_.

"Dude… I mean, ahem, Officer? Can I call my boss? This is insane! I'm a Turk, and I'd never do anything like this!"

"Later, once you're booked and processed into prison."

"Prison?! What the fuck, no! You can't take me to prison! You have no fucking proof!"

"We have plenty. You'll see when you meet the lead detective down at the station."

Reno was about to protest again when Pissy crossed the room and jumped up onto the coffee table in front of him, his eyes wide with concern for his human. The cat loved his person so much that he was always tuned into his emotions, and Reno couldn't help but smile fondly even at a time like this. The lead officer's reaction, however, was quite different. He instantly drew his gun and pointed it right at the beloved kitty's head.

"Whoa, what the fuck!" Reno exclaimed, struggling to get up to do something to protect his pet. Pissy cat was his baby, and at that moment he would have taken a bullet for him.

"One more move and I'll be forced to shoot!" the officer exclaimed, still training his weapon on the overweight orange tabby.

"Mew?"

"Don't fucking shoot my cat, you god damn donut-eating prick!" Reno exclaimed, finally managing to get to his feet. Another officer rushed over and shoved him back onto the couch, then picked up the befuddled Pissy and crossed the room with him held under his arm like a bloated football.

"Meewwww!"

"Don't hurt my cat!" Reno was actually near tears.

Thankfully, the younger officer seemed to have more sense than his supervisor and simply locked the feline in the bathroom. Reno could hear his plaintive cries coming from the other side of the door, but at least he was safe for now. What kind of cops _were_ these? They arrived out of nowhere in the middle of the night, raided his goody drawer, accused him of ridiculous crimes, and tried to murder his cat all in the space of five minutes. They were making numerous procedural errors as well, something he'd been carefully noting in case he needed to actually defend himself against this nonsense in court. It was all too much for anyone to handle calmly, however, and he finally lost it.

"I swear to every god there may or may not be…" Reno growled under his breath, glaring up at his guard and no longer caring about his own situation. "If you asswipes harm one hair on that cat's body, I will fuck you up so hard your father will shit blood for the rest of his life. You don't know who you're messing with, douche bag!"

The officer grinned triumphantly, as if he had just gotten exactly what he wanted. He began to scrawl on a pad he quickly removed from his pocket, taking down every word of Reno's threat to add to the existing evidence against him.

"Oh yes I do… I'm dealing with the worst serial killer in Midgar history, and you are going down."

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

What followed was the longest night of Reno's life. First his apartment was ransacked, many items taken as 'evidence,' his cat left crying in the bathroom without any food or water. He was then thrown into a patrol car wearing only his underwear after being paraded passed startled coworkers throughout the building. It was nearly winter and he shivered uncontrollably in the cold night air, trying to avoid the eyes of everyone who stared at him in shock. Upon reaching the police station, he was repeatedly frisked by multiple different large men before being taken to a small, uncomfortable interrogation room. Inside, a very angry, very fat and foul-smelling detective screamed at and accused him of horrible crimes for over five hours. Reno denied it all over and over again, but the man simply would not listen, determined to break him. He would not even let him have a glass of water, or worse still, a cigarette. Reno finally lost his temper entirely and screamed a flood of obscenities at the fat asshole until he called for backup and had him thrown into solitary confinement.

He lay in the dark, freezing, and finally curled up into a pitiful ball on the cement floor of the tiny cell. This had to be a nightmare… There was no way this was really happening. Sure, he had done some bad things in his life and broken a number of laws, but he had never seriously hurt anyone outside of his job. He would definitely never harm a woman, and he did _not _have to force them to sleep with him! That was just pathetic. He was almost more insulted by that notion than the fact that they were accusing him of torturing and murdering them afterwards.

He tried to remain calm, telling himself it was all a huge misunderstanding. Soon, Tseng and Rude would realize he was missing even if he was never allowed to actually place that promised phone call. They would know that this was all bullshit and get him out of there. He hoped…

Eventually, he managed to drift off into a restless sleep, tossing and turning fitfully as horrible nightmares of violence filled his mind. In them, he watched another man kill many faceless women… but somehow the police thought he had done it, and he was sentenced again and again to life in prison. In one of the dreams, he even saw himself being strapped into the electric chair. Everyone he had ever loved stood on the other side of a glass wall and watched as the executioner threw the switch. Beside him, the lead officer and obese detective grinned victoriously, high-fiving each other as his body jumped and twitched.

As Reno headed toward the light, executed for a crime he didn't commit, his brain suddenly realized that the brightness was real. He wasn't dead after all, even though he certainly felt like he might be headed that way after the night he'd just had. Slowly, Reno opened his eyes, dragging himself into a sitting position and peering toward the narrow door of his cell. It was wide open, and he almost couldn't believe who he saw standing just on the other side.

"Rude!" he exclaimed, climbing to his feet and throwing himself at his best friend in a fierce hug. Nearly giddy with relief, he almost wanted to cry. "Dude, I knew you'd come! You gotta get me out of here! They said I did all these horrible things, and-"

Reno was interrupted as Rude pulled away from his desperate embrace and burst out laughing. Laughing? How could he laugh at a time like this? How the _fuck_ was this funny?! Reno's future, his _life_, were on the line here, and his best friend was _laughing?!_

"What the fuck, man!" Reno exclaimed, glaring as Rude only laughed harder. "This is not funny! I'm in some serious shit here!"

"Do you remember that day you screwed with my report and embarrassed the shit out of me?" Rude finally managed to ask. " 'I touch myself at night, and I like the smell of my own feces'? That ring a bell with you?"

Reno nodded slowly, wondering what the hell that had to do with anything.

"Well, I told you I'd get you back… And I just did!"

"…..What. The. Fuck."

Rude doubled over, tears streaming down his face. "Ahahaha! You totally fell for it! Oh my gods, and I have the whole thing on video! Wait til I show everyone at the office!"

Reno watched with wide eyes as his normally cool and calm friend completely lost it, gasping for air and holding his sides in hysterics. Just then, the 'officers' from the previous evening joined them in the cell, now wearing street clothes and also laughing as if this was the funniest thing they'd ever witnessed.

"Dude, you shoulda seen your face when I pulled my fake gun on that stupid cat!"

"That… this… THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" Reno shouted, furious, his face flaming red. This wasn't fair! _Reno_ played the pranks. _Reno _got the last laugh. This went against all the laws of the universe. "Rude… I will so… get you… for this… IT'S ON!"

Rude only continued to cackle, and finally Reno had to admit that it _was_ a damn clever prank, better than any he'd thought of to date. His partner had just upped the ante, and his mind began to race with ways to repay the night of hell he'd endured. He almost forgot how terrified he'd been, the relief quickly melting away the trauma of the previous evening and his anger at Rude. Any lesson to be learned from being repaid for all his previous jokes at the expense of others went right over his head.

"Come on, man," Rude finally said, managing to collect himself and wiping his eyes with a handkerchief. "I brought you some clothes and your cigs. Let's go have breakfast."

"Where's my cat?" Reno asked, following his friend out of the cell in a daze. He still couldn't believe what had just happened.

"Fucking thing is at my apartment, safe and sound. He pissed on my slippers, so I guess he got some revenge on your behalf."


	7. Rant: Reno & Rude

**Rant**

((**Author's Note: **This short episode is the result of a one-hour random word challenge issued on 7/21/12. The word was "Rant," and it took approximately 42 minutes. This scene occurs shortly after the Turks joined Avalanche in Junon Harbor (after the events in _On My Honor_). Reno has always hated the town, going back to his appearance in _Battlegrounds_, and this is how he really feels about living there. Oh, warning for Reno's excessive swearing. I hope you enjoy and take a moment to review! Thanks so much! ~ _JenesisX_))

* * *

**Rant: **verb; to speak or declaim extravagantly or violently; talk in a wild or vehement way; rave.

* * *

"I hate this town!" Reno exclaimed as he entered his shared apartment with Rude and slammed the door behind him. He crossed the small living room and flopped down on the worn couch, placing his feet upon the coffee table with a loud clunk. He reached into his pants pocket and produced his hot pink lighter which featured a naked woman and a pack of cigarettes, lighting up and taking a long drag. "This fucking town is the worst place on the god damn Planet."

"How do you _really_ feel?" Rude asked from the kitchen, where he was rummaging through the refrigerator looking for something to eat.

"Junon Harbor is a fucking cesspool! If there is a hell, this is it. I fucking _hate_ it here! Why, of all places, did Avalanche decide to take over _this _piece of shit base? And why did Tseng have to pick_ here _for us to hide out? There are so many better places we could have gone… Like the fucking Midgar slums sewers, for instance, or the crab-infested Honeybee Inn. GODS. I really, _really _fucking hate it here! I'd be better off if Rufus had thrown me in the brig and left me there to rot."

Rude barely glanced up as he removed the ingredients for his famous Amazing Turk Special Omelet and set them on the countertop.

"It stinks here all the time! And when it rains, I swear to the gods it's piss falling from the polluted clouds. The water tastes like it, too, even after it's filtered. I never feel clean after taking a shower, and my clothes are crunchy. I might as well just climb into the toilet, because I'd get cleaner! I have no fucking clue why people insist on fishing here and trying to serve that shit in the pub, either. I'd rather eat something the Science Department grew! I don't wanna end up growing a second head, or going sterile or something."

"Uh-huh." Rude removed a pan from beneath the stove and turned on the burner. He didn't bother to ask Reno if he wanted one, knowing that his slender friend always seemed hungry no matter how much he consumed. He also knew exactly how the redhead liked his omelet after years of making them for him. Reno was lazy and never cooked anything, and Rude had not been willing to let his partner and best friend live entirely on take-out and the frozen garbage he favored.

"I am so tired of being assigned to clean up this fucking pigsty! It's hopeless! There is no fucking way in hell this place is ever going to be clean. The harbor is fucking disgusting and all kinds of fucked up shit keeps washing up no matter how many times I get dragged down there to pick it up. I'm sick to death of being bossed around by a teenager who gloats the entire time, or a prissy weirdo in a pink dress who cries any time she sees a dead fish. Look at me! I'm so sunburned my fucking hands are swollen! I'm a ginger, I do _not _belong out in the sun working like a god damn slave. We went from Turks to fucking garbage men for Avalanche. _FUCK_, I need a beer!"

Rude wordlessly turned, opened the refrigerator and removed a can, then tossed it over the kitchen counter to his friend. Reno caught it effortlessly, ground out his cigarette, and opened it with a hiss. He immediately started to guzzle it, downing half the beer before groaning loudly and continuing his rant.

"The food here is horrible, too. No one in this hellhole knows how to make a good hoagie, or a steak sandwich for that matter. I miss The Mako Bar in Midgar. _They _knew how to make actual good food, and they had every beer you could ever want on tap. The fucking Bulldog Tavern here can barely even make edible fries or pizza, much less anything else. Even the booze sucks, all watered down and shit. And Avalanche doesn't give us enough decent shit to eat at home, either… I'm going to fucking _starve_ to death, if I don't die from the toxic water or sun poisoning first!"

Reno seemed oblivious to the smell of cooking onions, peppers and bacon as Rude silently worked on their food, quietly humming to himself.

"And there is nothing to do! I keep begging for a Shintendo system, but they ignore me. What the fuck am I supposed to do all night, since we have a fucking curfew?! There is never anything good on TV… And do they think they're being funny giving us that stack of fucking _books_? I can only play cards with you so many times, and fucking Tseng is all distracted living with his knocked-up girlfriend. No more poker nights for us, I guess. God dammit! Do you realize that if he kept it in his pants, we wouldn't even _be_ in this mess?! There shouldn't be female Turks, and this is why!"

Rude began cracking eggs into a second pan, expertly crafting Reno's meal as he listened to his friend's litany of complaints and tried not to laugh. Reno polished off his beer and lit another cigarette, using his free hand to pet his cat as the large orange tabby joined him on the couch.

"And the birds! Oh my fucking god. Those things are filthy flying rats, always trying to steal anything you have to eat. I got _shit _on today, just walking along minding my own business. Yuffie tried to tell me it was good luck, but she can go fuck herself. Then every god damn miserable morning, that fucking searooster starts crowing his stupid fucking head off right outside my window. I swear, if I had my gun I'd blow his fucking brains out! Cock-a-fucking-doodle-doo mother fucker! BOOM! Toss me another beer!"

Rude complied as he expertly flipped the omelet, frying it to a perfect color and texture after adding all of Reno's favorite fillings. He was sure to add tons of extra cheese, just the way he liked it. Reno cracked open his second beer as Pissy climbed into his lap and began to knead him.

"The people here are assholes, too. They keep staring at me like I'm a fucking alien or some shit. As if I'd bother to do anything to this fucking dump. It's already about as horrible as it could ever possibly be! Blowing it up would be a fucking improvement, and they'd owe me a thank you. But I couldn't do it if I wanted to, without my PHS, weapons, my bike, and wearing this fucking stupid ugly monitoring thing on my ankle. As if I'm some fucking prisoner and not stuck here because I chose to be. Ugh. WHY did I agree to this, again?!"

"Because Tseng thought it was the safest place for he and Elena, and we wanted to stick together. Remember?"

"Yeah…" Reno sighed heavily, leaning back into the couch and closing his eyes as he polished off his second beer and tossed the can onto the floor. "Fuck this place. Fuck me. Fuck _everything!_"

"Are you quite finished?" Rude asked, crossing the room and handing his best friend the plate of food he'd prepared for him. Reno opened his eyes, blinking with surprise as if he hadn't noticed what Rude was doing since he'd begun complaining. He reached out and accepted it eagerly, licking his lips in anticipation.

"Yep!" he said, instantly picking up the fork and stuffing his mouth full of omelet. "Thanks, Rude. I feel much better now."

Rude nodded and returned to the stove to cook his own omelet, smirking to himself with satisfaction. After so many years of working and traveling together, he knew exactly how to shut Reno up.


	8. Pencil: Reno, Rude & Elena

**Pencil**

((**Author's Note: **This is the result of a one-hour random challenge for the word "Pencil" of all things. It took me about 50 minutes before mild editing. Thankfully I can always count on Reno to give me an idea! I would like to dedicate this episode to my good friend and fellow author **Bexteron, **who writes amazing fics for Xena: Warrior Princess! If you have ever seen the show or been a fan, you need to check out her work! I am especially a fan of her ongoing story "_Wild Hearts_." So do me and yourself a big favor and go have a look. Anyway, thanks again for your support and reviews… Enjoy! _~JenesisX_))

* * *

**Pencil: **noun; a slender tube of wood, metal, plastic, etc., containing a core or strip of graphite, a solid coloring material, or the like, used for writing or drawing.

* * *

"Hey, Rude, have you seen my pencil?"

Rude glanced up from his work and spun his chair to look across the narrow aisle behind him. He watched for a moment as Reno lifted the various pieces of trash and other junk strewn about his desk, peering beneath them curiously as if looking for something important.

"Your pencil? What do you need a pencil for? All your reports have to be typed."

"I know, I know. But see, I was playing tic-tac-toe _in between _reports…"

"You mean instead of."

"_No, _ass-weasel. I totally got a lot done this morning!"

Reno stopped his search to point indignantly at his monitor, upon which there was an open document containing a misspelled title and three short sentences. Rude blinked behind his dark glasses, sighed heavily, and decided it wasn't worth trying to argue with his partner.

"Nope, haven't seen it. I've been _working _over here."

"Ooh. Can you help me do _my _report next?"

Rude groaned to himself as he turned back to his keyboard. Why did he have to be partnered with the laziest member of the team, one who excelled at procrastination and suffered from mild dyslexia as well? He couldn't complain about Reno's work out in the field. He was an excellent shot, took their missions seriously when needed, and he knew he could trust him with his life any day of the week. But back in the office, when it was time to do the other part of their work for Shin-ra Incorporated, his best friend was all but useless… and constantly creating more work for him.

"Yeah yeah," he muttered, still unable to say no to him even after so many years. _I'm too fucking nice…_

"Cool, thanks man… Gods! Where the fuck _is _it?"

Rude could hear him continue to rummage around his desk as he turned back to his monitor, rustling paper and making an impossible amount of noise. Reno next began to open each drawer, loudly digging through them and swearing to himself as the missing pencil continued to elude him. As he slammed the third one closed and yelled the f word loud enough to be heard down the hallway, someone slapped an open palm down onto their desktop in annoyance.

"What the hell are you _doing _over there?!" Elena shouted from just down the aisle, rolling her chair out of her cubicle and glaring at Reno. The redhead was now crouched beneath his desk, on his hands and knees with his nose practically pressed against the stained carpet.

" Looking for my favorite pencil!" his muffled voice replied, oblivious to the annoyance in his coworker's voice.

"Could you _make _any more noise? I can't concentrate!"

Rude shook his head, bracing himself for the daily blow-up between Reno and Elena. He wondered what he would have to do, and how much ass he would have to kiss, to qualify for his own office. Actually, he didn't think any of the Turks beside Tseng had their own space when he thought about it. How cheap could Shin-ra possibly _be_? He groaned the moment the thought had entered his mind, realizing his quest for silence was hopeless. Tseng was probably paying rent.

"What did you say, 'lena?" Reno lifted his head in an attempt to hear her better, forgetting where he was and loudly banging it on his desk. "Fucking owwww! Look what you made me do!"

Elena giggled, forgetting her annoyance for the moment. "You're the idiot crawling around on the floor. Why do you need a pencil, anyway?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I just _need _it, all right?!"

"No one ever writes with those things any more. I haven't used a pencil since I was in elementary school."

"Wasn't that just last week?"

"Ha ha. Very funny."

Elena shook her head and attempted to get back to work, but Reno was on a mission. He left his desk and began to wander from one cubicle to the next, looking through other Turk's desks if they weren't present or nagging them to check and see if they had one if they were. Rude did his best to tune out his friend's voice, but after a few minutes he swore he would kill someone if he ever heard the word pencil again.

"This is so fucking stupid. I _just _had it, and then I went to get more coffee and it was gone!" Reno complained as he flopped into his chair, frowning in annoyance. "Come _on_, Rude, help me look for it!"

"I'm _busy_. You wanted my help later, right?"

Reno sighed. "Yeah… but this sucks! Argh!"

Rude heard him begin searching through the contents of his desk again, dropping several items into his trashcan with a loud clatter before opening and closing all of his drawers again several times. Various complaints and commentary accompanied each action, and Rude was thankful he had become a professional at ignoring most of Reno's antics when he was trying to work.

Elena, however, had not yet mastered the fine art. She growled with frustration and rose from her desk, storming out of the room and leaving a cold breeze behind her. Rude detected just a hint of perfume and took a moment to enjoy it, his mind briefly wandering until he scolded himself and remembered the she was in a relationship. It was so unfortunate… That always seemed to be his luck where women he liked were concerned. If Reno didn't beat him to them, someone else did. He still couldn't quite get over the fact that this time it had been their stoic boss, a man he'd never so much as seen flirt before.

_Ah well… I can still look._

After another trip beneath his desk and dumping out the contents of his trashcan onto the floor right in the middle of the aisle, Reno sat down, folded his arms and began to sulk. "It's gone, Rude," he said, as if he'd just lost someone dear to him. "That was my favorite pencil. It was perfect. I had it for so long…"

"Too bad," Rude mumbled absently as he typed. _And no one cares…_

Elena returned at that moment, holding both hands behind her back as if hiding something. Rude paused to turn around and see what she was up to. She walked right up to Reno's cubicle and stopped directly in front of him since his chair was still facing into the aisle. He looked up, confused, as a slow smile crossed her face. In one smooth movement, she produced an enormous bag of new yellow pencils and proceeded to dump the entire thing into his lap.

"Here! _PENCILS! _Now shut the hell up about them already!" she exclaimed as dozens of them landed upon him and even more poured off onto the floor. "Enjoy!"

A stunned Reno stared down into his lap as she cheerfully returned to her desk, picking up a handful and studying them closely. He frowned, and when he finally spoke it took all of Rude's self control not to leap across the distance and throttle him.

"But these aren't the kind I like!"


	9. Gross: Reno & Yuffie

**Gross**

((**Author's Notes: **This is a one-hour random word challenge for the word 'Gross.' The idea was instant and it took me about 40 minutes to write. Just a short little bit of fun, set some time in the future in my AU continuity. As I've said before, I have a bit of a thing for Reno/Yuffie these days and think it has some great potential, so that is where my mind was on this. If you like this short piece and those two together, check out my one-shot _Desperation Dating_! Thank you much! ~ _JenesisX_))

* * *

**Gross: **adjective; 1. indelicate, indecent, obscene, or vulgar.

2. lacking in refinement, good manners, education, etc.; unrefined.

* * *

"So, Yuffie," Reno began, late one afternoon. He and the young ninja were headed towards their homes following a boring day of patrolling the base, and a question burned within his brain. "Why you gotta be so mean to me all the time, anyway? I know I tease you and shit, but _fuck,_ girl, you can be cruel!"

The answer was firm and immediate. "Because you're gross!" she exclaimed, looking at him in a way that told him it should have been obvious. "Duh," she added for good measure.

Reno's blue eyes widened, and for a moment he stopped walking. He was stunned. _Gross? _Him?! Immature? Check. Annoying? Sometimes. Perverted? Hell, yeah… But gross?! That was just uncalled for, not to mention ridiculous.

"What the fuck!" he exclaimed, catching up and looking down at her indignantly. "How am I gross?!"

Yuffie began to laugh. "Do you really want me to list every single reason?"

"There's more than one?!"

Yuffie shook her head and sighed with pity. "Reno, Reno, Reno. You really don't have a clue, do you?"

"Well, obviously not. None of the women in Midgar ever told me I was gross. Do I smell or something? The water here _is _kinda nasty to shower with…"

Reno lifted one arm and began to sniff himself, tilting his head thoughtfully. It had been a long day, but he still smelled rather fresh if he didn't say so himsel- …Was that a hint of cat pee he detected? _Dammit, Pissy…_

"No, no, it isn't _that_ kind of gross. Although…" She paused, quickly looking over his wrinkled shirt and holey jeans that dragged on the ground as he walked, then up at his unruly hair and the ever-present sunglasses perched atop his head. "You _do _always look like a slob, you know."

"Hey, fuck you!"

"You asked! Do you want to know why or not?"

Reno pondered his decision for a moment, but his curiosity quickly got the best of him. "Fine. Go ahead, destroy my fragile ego. See if I care."

Yuffie snickered, hopped over a puddle, then looked up at him as he lit a cigarette. "A perfect example to start off with," she said, pointing. "_That_ is gross! It stinks, it's going to kill you and everyone around you, and it stains your fingers and everything else it touches. You leave ashes and butts all over the place, and it's _such _a waste of gil."

Reno rolled his eyes, having heard _that_ particular complaint many times before. He paused to think for a brief moment, considering the criticisms of his beloved habit. Nope. Still didn't care.

"And all the beer you drink! I mean, dude, that stuff smells like piss anyway, and it makes you act even more retarded than usual. Then you fart and belch and think it's hilarious no matter who's around."

"You're just mad that you're still under aged," he replied, though she'd made everyone aware, repeatedly, that she would be turning eighteen in a few weeks.

"No. Even after my birthday, I will _never_ touch that stuff! And if you keep drinking as much as you do, you'll have a big gut when you're older."

"Pfft, whatever. Hehehe, a FUPA." Thankfully, Yuffie only looked at him quizzically for a moment, as he was reasonably certain having to explain what the acronym stood for would only prove her point. He could remember quite clearly the day when he'd taught it to Elena...

"Okay, next! You can't get through a single sentence without swearing or using a lewd word."

"I can fucking too, you little cu-"

"Hahaha, SEE!"

"Shit."

Yuffie giggled as she continued. "You're always staring at anything female, and you make sure everyone knows what your _little _brain wants to do to her."

"It's _not _little!"

"Ewww, GROSS!"

"Prude."

"This is _exactly_ what I mean!" she declared triumphantly, slugging him in the arm and causing him to wince and begin to rub it. "You are rude, crude and lewd… _And _gross."

Reno frowned, more offended than he'd expected to be by the petite Wutaiin's words. Could there possibly be some truth to them? Did people, _women_ even (Did she count as one yet? He wasn't completely sure.), actually think he was disgusting and unattractive? Maybe that explained his lack of a love life since moving to Junon Harbor. Wait, what the hell was he _thinking? _It was just that the chics there were uptight and had no taste, that was all! Besides, why did he care what _Yuffie_ thought about him, anyway? The little shit was only fucking with his head, and he wasn't about to let her get to him.

"Well," Reno began, yawning lazily to punctuate how little her words were affecting him as he bit down on a genuine rush of hurt. "You're hyper, you talk too much, and you're short and flat-chested!" he retaliated with a smirk, snickering as she threw a kick in his direction that he easily blocked.

"Gods! Why are you even _looking _at my chest?!" she shrieked, managing to kick him in the shin this time.

"Ow! Bitch!"

"Asshole!"

"Runt!"

"Pervert!"

And so went the exchange until the two parted ways at the corner, Reno unable to help but continue mulling over her critique as he opened the door to his apartment building and climbed the aging stairs. The stupid punk clearly had no idea what she was talking about, making it even more obvious than before that she'd never been laid in her life. Reno knew he was handsome, witty, sexy and vastly skilled in a great many things, no matter _what_ she tried to tell him. Gross? No way. Yuffie didn't have a clue…

But if that was so, why did her words continue to gnaw at him like this?! Dammit.

As he opened the door, he spotted Rude sitting on the couch watching a football game, quickly yanking back his hand and pretending he had _not_ just been petting Reno's cat, Pissy. He would have made a smart-ass remark, as his best friend claimed loudly and often that he despised the friendly feline, but his mind was still hopelessly stuck on other matters.

"Rude… Am I gross?"


	10. Snow: Avalanche & the Turks

**Snow**

((**Author's Notes: **This short story is the result of a one-hour random challenge for the word 'snow.' I spent just under the full hour on it before a bit of editing (keeping track of that many people when you are writing on the fly is NOT easy, lol.). The setting is post-_Battlegrounds_ and _On My Honor _Junon Harbor. I was inspired by a power outage I experienced here at home last evening, though it was caused by a thunder storm and not a blizzard. I can't wait for winter, though, because I HATE the heat. But anyway, this idea came about in under 20 seconds once I read the word, hehe. Hope you enjoy! _~ JenesisX _))

* * *

**Snow**: _noun; Meteorology_. a precipitation in the form of ice crystals, mainly of intricately branched, hexagonal form and often agglomerated into snowflakes, formed directly from the freezing of the water vapor in the air.

* * *

It was the largest meeting Cloud and the other members of Avalanche had ever held, and the conference room was filled past its usual capacity. Several of the male members had been forced to stand, as there wasn't enough room around the long wooden table for everyone who'd been summoned.

All of the original members of the rebel group were present in the room they used for weekly progress meetings, along with a number of additions. Shera had come along to discuss something to do with the Shield Generator she and Cid were in charge of, as well as her continued efforts to hack into various Shin-ra computer files. In addition, the four former Turks were present for the first part of the meeting, which would handle some concerns held by both camps about their present situation as refugees under house arrest. That brought the number of people crammed into the narrow conference room to a total of fourteen… Which was at least five too many. The table normally sat four on either side with Cloud at the head, and even that was a tight squeeze.

One wall of the wood paneled room contained several small, foggy windows up near the ceiling, through which most in the room strained to watch the snow storm that had begun several hours before. Cloud was busy handing out a few lists and memos, hoping everyone would still be able to concentrate despite the excitement in the air. Darkness had fallen early and there was not a hint of moonlight in the sky. Already several inches of white had arrived and begun to build up along the roads and buildings of the base. The storm showed no signs of letting up any time soon, and most of the citizens of Junon Harbor base and the town below had spent the day preparing to be homebound for a while. The weather outside had grown extremely frigid, and despite the crowded conditions inside the room there was a chill that crept through even thick winter clothing. Aeris had been shivering so badly that she now wore Sephiroth's trench coat wrapped around her small frame, and Elena had accepted Vincent's tattered red cloak to drape around her shoulders overtop of the heavy jacket she already wore. Yuffie continually rubbed her arms and whined, but she didn't seem to garner as much sympathy as the other women.

"Okay!" Cloud said, raising his voice over the din of chatter in the room. Everyone who had a chair and was still standing sat down, leaving Tseng and Sephiroth to stand protectively behind their respective partners while Vincent took a place off in the corner. Barret leaned against the row of cabinets along one wall, and Red sat at Tifa's feet near the head of the table. "Let's get started so we can all head home before we get snowed in together."

"Oh gods, don't _say _that!" Yuffie exclaimed in horror.

"Yeah, I don't want to be fucking trapped in here with all of you," Reno snorted, nervously watching the snowflakes melting on the tiny windowpanes. "Besides, that shit is probably toxic… I don't feel like walking in it up to my waist."

"I've never seen it snow this hard here before," Elena said with a touch of wonder. "We're going to be buried if it doesn't slow down."

"I checked the weather reports, and it isn't supposed to let up until this time tomorrow evening," Shera added quietly, looking down shyly as she spoke. "They're calling for several feet by the time it stops."

"Damn!" Barret exclaimed, though a wide smile quickly lit up his face. "Looks like me an' Marlene are gonna go sleddin' tomorrow, an' then build us da best damn snowman EVER!"

"Ooh, do you know a good spot to sled?" Reno asked, suddenly looking rather animated and forgetting his earlier comment about the safety of the precipitation. "Fuck, it's been way too long since I've done that!"

"Yeah, man! Right behin-"

"Guys!" Cloud interrupted, though he was grinning crookedly. "The meeting?"

"I say we call a snow day and just go home," Cid suggested, fidgeting with something inside the pocket of his worn aviator's jacket. It was probably his lighter, as he'd already gone a harrowing fifteen minutes without smoking.

"Let's just cover as much as we can quickly," Tifa interjected when Cloud threw the pilot a dirty look. "Then we can all-"

The entire room was suddenly thrown into complete blackness as the power went out all across the base. There were several surprised yelps and more than one scream, though Yuffie's was definitely the loudest.

"Aaah, fuck!" Cid swore. "I had a feeling this was gonna happen… Stupid fucking shitty Shin-ra wiring!"

"Whoa, it's like I'm blind!"

"I can't see my hand right in front of my face…"

"Can we go home _now?_"

"Well, um… Let's wait a few minutes and see if it the power comes back on," Cloud said, sounding a bit uncertain. "It might just be a brief short or something…"

"Doubtful, kid," Cid replied immediately, far more knowledgeable about the subject. "There's probably a main wire down somewhere. I can go try and get the backup generator online, but it may not be able to power more than the most basic functions for part of the base."

"The Shield Generator will still work, though," Shera's voice added. "It has its own back-up generator for situations like this."

A brief period of silence fell over the room, broken when someone female began to giggle. "Stop that!" hissed the voice, though they didn't sound all that convincing.

"Hey, none of that funny shit!" Reno said with a snicker. "Unless I can get involved, of course."

"Ewww!" exclaimed Yuffie.

"Behave, children," Cloud scolded, but it sounded like he was smiling.

Another ten minutes ticked by in complete darkness, punctuated by the occasional cough, throat clearing, or random comment about the situation and how unfortunate it was. Finally, Red spoke up.

"I think we ought to adjourn until another evening," he suggested. "It does not seem that this is a temporary outage."

"Yeah…" Cloud agreed reluctantly. "Sorry, guys, I guess we should have just canceled when it first started to snow. Be careful making it out of the building and getting home!"

With that, almost everyone began to move at once. Chairs scrapped across the tiled floor as people began to rise from their seats or move from their standing positions, fourteen pairs of footsteps soon following. With only one door leading out of the crowded room and zero visibility, the mass exodus soon became anything but orderly.

"Ow!" exclaimed Tifa. "Someone stepped on my heel!"

"Who is this? Who am I touching?… Aeris?"

"What the _fuck!_" exclaimed Reno. "Do I _fee_l like Aeris, Elena?!"

"Sorry! It was your pony tail. I- Oh my gods, I am _so sorry_, Vincent! I thought you were Tseng, then I tried to hold your hand, and…"

"Someone _clearly_ needs practice groping in the dark, because you suck at it!"

"Shut up, Reno!"

There were several instances of giggling and fits of laughter as everyone struggled to find their way. Someone banged into the corner of the table and swore loudly. A chair clattered backwards to the floor a moment later, and a thick notebook fell from the tabletop with a crash.

"Seph, where did you go?" Aeris asked, trying to find her husband in the inky blackness. She sounded a bit frightened and was looking to him for protection.

"Oh, sweet materia. I forgot _he _was in here!"

"I am over here against the far wall. And someone's hand is on my… ahem…"

"GAH!" exclaimed Cid. "I thought that was- never mind…"

"Stop pushing me!" Tifa exclaimed.

"Get off my foot!"

"Would whoever that is _please_ stop standing on my tail?"

"Perhaps we ought to remain here until we can see what we're doing," Tseng suggested reasonably. "And would the person who keeps grasping my rear end as a guide please stop?"

"Uh… oops?" said Barret, causing several people to burst out laughing.

There was another crash as someone fell forward onto their hands and knees. "Oof! _Mother fucker!_"

"Sorry," came Red's voice. "I did not mean to trip anyone."

"This is dumb!" Yuffie exclaimed. "We're never gonna-"

"Everyone, _STOP_."

The room fell silent as Vincent's deep voice reached them, louder than he usually bothered to speak.

"Thank you. I can still see, so if you will all wait where you are and listen to me, I can direct you out of the room."

"Why didn't you say something before?!" Cloud demanded, frustrated.

"I was amused."

"That's _so _not cool!" Yuffie exclaimed, but she couldn't help giggling.

"Cloud, walk directly forward five steps and you will be in the hallway. The door to the outside is down the hall straight ahead from there. I assume you can manage that?"

"Yes, thank you," he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm as his footfalls echoed through the room. There was dull thud a moment later, and Vincent sighed heavily.

"I did not think I needed to tell you to open the door first…"

Cloud muttered to himself as the sound of the door creaking open filled the air, finally making his escape with his teammates' laughter at his back.

"Tifa, take one step to your left, then six steps forward and you will be in the hallway as well. And if you wish to know who 'accidentally' grabbed your chest a short time ago, it was Rude."

"Shit…"

"Hahaha! Are they real, buddy?" Reno shouted across the room, definitely sounding impressed and more than a little jealous.

"Ugh! You guys are _such_ pigs!" Tifa exclaimed as she stomped through the doorway, pausing just before she left to catch up to her husband. "And _yes_, they are, so be jealous! Jerk."

"Niiiiice."

"Cid, first remove your arm from around Aeris. I do not think either of your spouses would approve."

"What the- er… sorry, babe! She's about the same height and shit, heh."

"Yeah, _sure, _Cid…"

"I thought you were just being nice because I'm afraid of the dark!" Aeris exclaimed, audibly stepping away from him.

Vincent directed a thoroughly flustered Cid Highwind from the room before turning his attention to his daughter-in-law. "Stay where you are, Aeris. Sephiroth, walk straight ahead along the wall, careful of the chair that has been knocked into your path. She is directly in front of you."

"Thank you," Sephiroth said as he found his wife, the two of them making their way from the room together without further incident.

"Reno, get up off the floor and put down that stack of paperwork you are attempting to steal."

"I wasn't stealing it! It fell, so I was being nice and picking it up!"

"Of course you were…"

Reno continued to grumble as he was given his instructions, though he hurried his step once in the hallway as the promise of a cigarette grew closer.

"Tseng, that actually _is _Elena you are holding onto."

"I'm aware," he said matter-of-factly, as if he couldn't understand how one could incorrectly identify their partner even in complete darkness. He would probably be questioning Elena about that matter once they were alone.

When they had successfully left the room, Vincent helped Shera find her way out, followed by Rude. It seemed Red still had limited vision in the dark despite having only one remaining eye, and he soon made his exit as well. It took several failed attempts to instruct Barret on how to advance, as he didn't seem able to remember his right from his left half the time, but after multiple collisions with the table and a wall he was eventually free.

Soon the only one who remained in the room with Vincent was Yuffie. Not known for her patience, she'd been holding on to the back of a chair and loudly tapping her foot the entire time. "Can I go _now_?" she whined. "I wanna go out in the snow!"

"Yes," he replied, grabbing a hold of her arm and causing the surprised girl to yelp in alarm. "Come. Lucrecia does not like to be alone in the dark, and I wish to return to her…"

"It's really cool how you can still see when no one else can," she said as she allowed herself to be led from the room. "And hear everything all the time, too!"

"Believe me, most of the time it is far more of a curse than anything I would consider to be 'cool.'"

Yuffie pondered that as they stepped outside into the blizzard, prying herself out of his grip and racing off across the snowy street. She shrieked with delight as a Reno popped out of a nearby alley and pelted her with a large snowball, quickly moving to return fire. Vincent shook his head at their childish antics and turned towards home, eager to return to the one he loved.


	11. Wash: Sephiroth & Aeris

**Washing**

((**Author's Notes: **This is a one-hour challenge for the random word 'Washing.' It took me about 54 minutes, and the idea came about while bathing my two French Bulldogs. Since Blade was my previous dog in real life, I have actually experienced the horrifying events depicted below. Sorry, Seph! _~ JenesisX _))

* * *

**Washing: **_verb_ (used with object)

1. to apply water or some other liquid to (something or someone) for the purpose of cleansing; cleanse by dipping, rubbing, or scrubbing in water or some other liquid.

2. to remove (dirt, stains, paint, or any matter) by or as by the action of water (usually followed by out, off, etc.): to wash grime out of clothing.

* * *

"Hey, Seph?"

Aeris poked her head into the living room, leaning around the doorway from the kitchen. Sephiroth glanced up from the pile of new recruit paperwork he was sifting through on the couch, watching as his dog squeezed around her and trotted across the room.

"Yes?" he asked, patting the Great Dane on the top of his head and setting his work aside for the moment. There was something in Aeris' voice that had gotten his attention.

"It's… about Blade," she said, frowning and appearing reluctant to continue.

Sephiroth was immediately alarmed. Though he would not admit it even to his wife, he loved the enormous dog, and the thought that something might be wrong with him made him instantly sick to his stomach.

"What about him?" he asked, his deep voice more harsh and demanding than intended.

Aeris cringed, stepped more fully into view and looking down with regret. "Well… I wasn't sure how to tell you this, but…"

"What is wrong?!" he demanded, rising to his feet. His heart was racing as his pet pushed his paperwork across the table with his wet nose, leaving behind large smudges in the ink.

"He stinks, Seph."

"… What?"

"He stinks," she repeated, looking up at him with an apologetic smile. "He was just in the bedroom with me while I was cleaning, and I caught a whiff of him. He smells _really_ doggie."

Sephiroth blinked. "He is a dog."

Aeris giggled, raising an eyebrow. "And _you_ are a man, but I don't like you to smell like one in the house!"

Sephiroth frowned, wondering if she was making fun of him again. He decided she probably was, and sighed heavily. "All right. What… do you think we should do about it?"

"_You_ should give him a bath," Aeris said, holding up a feather duster in one hand and a rag in the other. "I'm busy, love, and he _is _your dog, after all."

"But, I…"

Aeris gave him a cute little wave, then vanished from sight. Sephiroth was left standing there, stunned, and completely unsure of what to do. Bathe a dog? One had to do such a thing? He had always assumed they cleaned themselves, much like felines did. Blade _did_ seem to enjoy licking his legs and running them back over his face and ears, after all. Was that not a bath?

He frowned, beckoning the dog to come over to his side. When Blade obediently approached, a lopsided grin on his face, Sephiroth leaned over and cautiously sniffed the top of his head. He instantly recoiled, wrinkling his nose with disgust. Aeris was right… He _did _stink. How had he not noticed it before? He supposed he'd never had reason to stick his nose up against the dog, and briefly wondered why Aeris had gotten so close.

"Wonderful," he muttered, as Blade happily wagged his tail. Sephiroth studied his pet, trying to decide the best way to continue. The dog was nearly five feet tall at the top of his head, and weighed just over two hundred pounds. His coat was short, at least, but his size alone would surely make such an undertaking rather challenging.

He stood there for close to five minutes, his mind racing. He did not want to admit to Aeris that he had no idea how to do something as simple as bathing a dog. He eyed his PHS as it sat on the coffee table with his abandoned paperwork. He hesitated a moment longer before picking it up and dialing the number he called most often aside from his wife's.

He was gravely disappointed when the voice that answered did not belong to his mother. He tried not to sigh out loud, having learned a bit about etiquette over the last year. Still, he knew he sounded disappointed and more than a little annoyed when he spoke.

"Vincent… Where is my mother?" he asked, keeping his voice low so that Aeris would not overhear.

"She stepped out for a moment and forgot her PHS… Is something wrong?"

"Well…" Sephiroth paused, realizing his father had detected the tension in his voice. "I… have a rather large problem…"

"Can I possibly assist you with it?"

"I…" he sighed, then decided to go through with it. Vincent had been a Turk, and though he'd spent more than half his years asleep in a coffin, Sephiroth held on to the hope that he might have gathered some additional wisdom during his longer life. "Do you happen to know how to bathe a dog?"

There was a long period of silence, and Sephiroth could have sworn he heard Vincent attempt to muffle laughter on the other end. No, that was simply not possible…

"Bathe a dog?" he finally repeated, definitely sounding amused. "I have never owned one…"

"Aeris says that Blade stinks, and I am forced to agree with her assessment," he said miserably, shaking his head at the oblivious canine. "She wants me to give him a bath…"

"Then give him one," Vincent said simply. Sephiroth rolled his eyes heavenward.

"How? Outside, with the hose?"

"No, no… That would be rather cold and unpleasant for him, don't you think?"

Sephiroth was forced to grunt his agreement.

"Does your showerhead detach from the wall?" Vincent asked him after a moment's thought.

"Yes…"

"It might be a tight fit, but put him in the bathtub and wash him that way. I suppose you can make due with human shampoo, as long as you use enough to get him smelling better. I am certain you have plenty of that around?"

"Very funny."

"Blade likes you, and seems to be well mannered enough… It should not be terribly difficult."

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Vincent's words echoed through Sephiroth's mind half an hour later, as he chased a very wet, very soapy Great Dane through his apartment. Blade was practically grinning as he ran, looking back playfully over his shoulder every few steps. He made sure to shake as often as possible, and to rub against as many things as he could manage. Sephiroth was not much drier, nearly slipping on the kitchen floor as his dog circled around the counters and headed for the master bedroom.

"No, wait!" he cried in desperation, continuing to pursue the wayward canine. His normally obedient dog was suddenly deaf and ignored him, tearing into the room.

Aeris shrieked, and Sephiroth cringed when he reached the doorway. Blade took a flying leap onto the freshly laundered bed sheets and began to roll about, drenching them and spreading shampoo everywhere.

"Oh no!" Aeris shouted, covering her mouth with both hands as she looked on in horror. "Blade, stop!"

"I must have gotten water in his ears," Sephiroth informed her, approaching his pet as the dog continued to use their bed to dry himself. "He does not seem able to hear me."

Aeris burst out laughing, both at the scene before her and her husband's earnest words. "I think maybe he just didn't want a bath!" she said, watching as the large dog stood and shook soap suds across the room and even onto the ceiling. "Who told you to use so much shampoo? That will _never_ rinse out!"

"Erm… No one…"

"Well, he needs to get back in the tub so you can rinse him off… Then I'll need you to help me redo all the cleaning in here." She sighed heavily and didn't see the horrified look that crossed Sephiroth's face. Suddenly, a foul smelling pet didn't seem like such a terrible thing after all.

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

An hour later, a very wet Sephiroth stood in the middle of the bathroom, looking around in dismay. He was soaked to the skin, and he could feel the shampoo beginning to settle into his hair and clothing. Every inch of the room was covered in a film of soap and water, with tan dog fur mixed in for flavor. An enormous pile of wet towels covered the floor, and a mysterious residue lined the bottom of the tub.

Blade had immediately run off again the moment Sephiroth opened the bathroom door, still cursing himself for not having closed it the first time. After a quick glance into the living room, he'd located his pet on the couch, making sure to wet the cushions as thoroughly as possible. Sephiroth was more exhausted than he could recall feeling in a very long time. He felt as if he had just battled a gigantic sea monster in the middle of his apartment, and lost. He leaned forward with his forehead against the wall, closing his eyes and envisioning the rest of the mess he now had to clean up.

_Next time, I'm bathing him at Vincent's place…_

He didn't notice Aeris standing in the doorway until he heard her quiet gasp of horror. "Oh my…" she said, and when he looked her way he saw the expression of sympathy she wore beneath her initial shock. "I guess bathing a dog is a lot harder than I thought."

Sephiroth grunted his agreement, leaning down and beginning to gather the discarded towels. He despised doing laundry, but knew he'd be spending a lot of time with a washer and dryer in the near future.

"Here, love, let me have those," Aeris said, reaching out for the pile. "I'm going to have to rewash all the bedding anyway."

"But I thought you said I had to-"

"Don't worry about it," she replied with a cheerful smile. He had no idea _how_ she could retain her usual good mood in the face of such destruction. "You look exhausted, and you have enough of a mess to deal with in here."

A slight smile crossed his face as he gratefully handed over the towels, relief flooding through his mind. "Thank you," he said with a weary sigh, leaning over to kiss the top of her head.

As she turned and left the room, headed downstairs to the laundry room, Blade reappeared in the doorway. He paused and looked about as if surveying his handiwork, thoroughly sniffing the air. He slowly approached his master, suddenly looking a bit guilty. Sephiroth glared at him for just a moment, until he met the creature's warm brown eyes. He quickly realized that remaining angry at him was even harder than losing his temper with Aeris, sighing and reaching out to pat the top of his damp head.

"You are lucky that I… love you."


	12. Temper: Aeris, Sephiroth, Yuffie & Tifa

**Temper**

((**Author's Notes: **This is the result of a one hour random word challenge for "Temper." I lost track of time, I admit, so we'll just call it an hour, hehe. This idea was one I had way back in February when I began writing again, but I'd yet to find a use for the scene or a reason to write it. Well, this word gave me one. We start with Sephiroth losing his temper, but in the end it's Aeris who (finally!) loses her cool. I'm on a recent kick with Yuffie, too, for some reason. She used to annoy me, but as time went on I've found actual uses for her and ways to develop her character. Anyway… I hope you enjoy this and will let me know what you think. Thanks! _~ JenesisX _))

* * *

**Temper: **noun;

1. a particular state of mind or feelings.

2. habit of mind, especially with respect to irritability or patience, outbursts of anger, or the like; disposition: an even temper.

3. heat of mind or passion, shown in outbursts of anger, resentment, etc.

* * *

"Hurry up!"

"I _am _hurrying! I can only climb stairs so fast."

"We might already be too late… Shit, I shouldn't have waited so long to check on her."

"Ha, you swore!"

"This is _not_ the time, Yuffie…"

The young Wutaiin turned and stuck her tongue out at her companion over one shoulder. Tifa shook her head and glared, already highly stressed and in a dark mood. She took the steps two at a time, quickly leaving Yuffie behind. Her short legs made keeping up impossible, and she paused and leaned against the railing.

"Gods… At this rate I'm gonna die before we get up there!"

Tifa said nothing in reply, reaching the landing at the top of the stairs and quickly disappearing down a well-lit hallway. Yuffie sighed wearily before struggling to catch up.

"Let me handle this," Tifa said with trepidation when she finally reached her side, bending over and resting her hands on her thighs while she caught her breath. "Just stay behind me in case I need help…"

Tifa swallowed hard, and Yuffie did the same. The nervousness and tension in the air was contagious. She hoped her friend was wrong. She prayed she was just overreacting. She _had_ to be. The alternative was just too horrible.

"Do you really think he'd hurt her?" Yuffie asked in a near-whisper, as Tifa approached the door at the end of the narrow hallway. A wreath of colorful flowers adorned it, but it did nothing to brighten the mood.

"I want to say no, but… He was pretty upset, and you know as well as I do that he's still unstable. He can't be trusted…"

"But he seems to really love her, and they've been together for over a year now with no problems. Aeris is always so happy…"

"I know, but…" Tifa sighed heavily, shaking her head with a frown. "We tried both of their PHSes, and no one answered. I won't be able to stop worrying until I check on her."

"All righty," Yuffie said with a shrug, unsure of what she thought about the situation. Tifa had a point, but at the same time she no longer truly feared Sephiroth as did so many others, and was doubtful that he would ever harm his wife. Still, there was an uneasiness hanging thick in the air, and she knew they had to make sure. If she was wrong and they did nothing, Yuffie knew she'd never forgive herself.

Tifa paused a moment longer to gather her courage, then raised a hand and knocked. The loud barking they expected from Sephiroth's enormous dog never came, only silence greeting them as they waited. She threw Yuffie a pointed look as someone finally began to undo the lock from the other side. Yuffie could not help but take a step backward, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

To the great relief of the pair, the door opened to reveal a completely unharmed Aeris. She blinked at them as if surprised, quickly stepping outside and pulling the door closed behind her. Yuffie thought it was odd that she didn't invite them in, but was so relieved that Aeris was okay that she pushed the thought aside.

"Hi, ladies," Aeris said brightly, though there an odd tension in her voice. Her eyes, too, looked different, as if something was bothering her despite her attempt to appear cheerful.

"Thank the gods," Tifa breathed, reaching out to hug her tightly. Aeris appeared comically stunned, finally returning the embrace with an awkward smile. "I… I was really worried about you!"

"Worried about me? Why?" she asked when Tifa released her, genuinely puzzled. Yuffie frowned at her reaction, but did as she was told and said nothing.

"Um… Is Sephiroth here…?"

"Yes..."

"He left my class suddenly, after… losing his temper a bit. I tried his PHS to talk to him about it, but got no answer. Then I tried yours, and it went straight to voice mail. Yuffie and I looked around for him for a while, then one of the shopkeepers told us he'd seen him storm into your building..."

"Well, he _lives_ _here, _Tifa…"

Yuffie did not like where this was going, biting her tongue until she tasted blood. She thought the whole situation was being blown out of proportion, but felt helpless to stop it.

The day had started innocently enough… She and Tifa had formed a martial arts class for the military, Vincent's fledgling security team, and anyone else who was interested. They had everything from beginners to very advanced students in the adult class, and were starting one for children the following week. That morning had been the very first meeting, a chance for introductions followed by a bit of sparring for those with previous experience.

When it had come time to pair off, Sephiroth was left standing alone, looking awkward and frustrated. No one had been willing to face him, backing away as if he were a leper. Yuffie had been tempted to abandon Tseng and volunteer, but had not been able to gather her courage. In hindsight, she wished she had, as the former Turk had thoroughly cleaned the floor with her. How much worse could Sephiroth have possibly been? As it was, she knew she'd be sore for days.

He'd stood there alone, watching the others with a dark scowl on his face. Then he'd begun to pace, muttering to himself and wringing his hands, his eyes glowing and unfocused. He appeared much as he had when Avalanche confronted him in Nibelheim the previous year, dangerously unstable and barely in touch with reality. Finally, Sephiroth slammed his fist through a wall of solid concrete, then marched away from the area and disappeared. Tifa had started to follow him, but changed her mind and stayed with the class until it ended. Afterwards, she and Yuffie decided they needed to make sure he hadn't done anything else to release his anger, and perhaps discuss the situation with him if he was a bit calmer. Yuffie feared Tifa might ask him not to return for future classes, something she thought unfair. She was only the assistant instructor, however, and felt it was not her decision. The class was Tifa's idea, and she felt honored and lucky to get to help her run it.

"Did he, um, tell you what happened this morning?" Tifa finally asked, shifting her weight uncomfortably. Both she and Aeris were visibly on edge, and it made Yuffie's sensitive stomach begin to twist into knots.

"Of course he did," Aeris replied with a touch of annoyance. "We tell each other everything. He told me how he was shunned at your class… It made him feel like an outcast, and reminded him that even after so long, no one trusts or accepts him. It set off a severe flashback, which is why he got so upset and came home."

"I'm sorry about that… But I'm sure you can understand why no one wan-"

"When something triggers a flashback, it can lead to panic attacks, migraines, and nightmares that go on for weeks," Aeris interrupted, her eyes shining with a combination of tears and… outrage? Yuffie's own eyes widened, unused to seeing such a thing on the gentle woman's face. "It's horrible for him," she continued, her voice strained with emotion, "and it hurts so much to have to watch him suffer. I can't believe people were so cruel, and that he can't even go to a simple class without being made to feel like a monster!"

"People are afraid of him, Aeris," Tifa said as gently as she could, slowly shaking her head. "I'm sorry, but that's probably never going to change."

"Not when the people who've worked with him the longest won't let go of the past," Aeris snapped, her face now red with anger. "And you thought what, that he came home to attack me? Did you expect to come up here and find me dead? Then maybe you'd finally have a good reason to get rid of him, huh?"

"No! I-"

"Come in for a minute," Aeris said sharply, opening the door and gesturing inside the apartment. "Just try not to make any noise."

"But-"

"I want to show you something," she insisted, finally looking past Tifa and meeting Yuffie's wide eyes. The young ninja smiled nervously, cringing in embarrassment at the same time. Aeris' expression softened slightly, as if realizing she was a largely unwilling participant. Yuffie exhaled and tried to relax, the butterflies that raged in her stomach making her nauseous.

Realizing that Aeris was not going to back down, and intimidated by her rare display of anger, Tifa finally did as she was asked. Yuffie followed her into the foyer of the apartment, careful to keep her footsteps soft. All of the lights were off, and the curtains were drawn tight. It took a moment for their eyes to adjust to the dimness, and there was nothing but the sound of an appliance running to greet their ears. Aeris stepped forward to the edge of the living room, turning back to them with a raised eyebrow.

"Look," she whispered, tears shining in her eyes as she pointed across the room. "There's your murderer," she went on, her voice now trembling. "There's your enraged psycho. See how dangerous he is? You should definitely be worried about me, because as you see he's completely out of control!"

There was genuine fury in Aeris' quiet voice, and a tear finally escaped her eye and trailed down her cheek. Yuffie stared ahead, unable to look away. On the floor of the living room, just in front of the couch, laid Sephiroth. He was sound asleep on his side, a peaceful expression on his face. His head rested on a pillow, and a blue blanket neatly covered him to just below his shoulders. One muscular arm was outstretched and draped across Blade, his Great Dane, who only lifted his head and glanced curiously in their direction. The creature seemed to realize his human needed to rest, staying close enough to watch over him but careful not to make a sound. The sight of the former General taking a nap with his dog was so different from Yuffie's mental image of him that it was almost funny, but the current situation was anything but.

"Pretty scary, huh?" Aeris asked, now openly crying as she looked at her husband with obvious affection. "He did exactly what he was supposed to do if something upset him. He came home to me, so I could help him. Meditating together is the only thing that calms him and breaks through the attacks, and afterwards he always falls into a very sound sleep. I turned off our PHSes so we wouldn't be disturbed. Gods, even when he does the right thing, people _still_ think he's going to hurt someone!"

She lifted her hands to her face, breaking down and attempting to muffle her sobs. Sephiroth looked so innocent lying there with his pet, as if he couldn't hurt a fly. Yuffie was filled with guilt for ever doubting him, glancing sideways at Tifa. Her friend finally tore her eyes away from the sight before them, looking every bit as surprised and chastised as Yuffie felt.

Aeris finally got a hold of herself, leading them back into the hallway and partially closing the door behind her. She hastily wiped away her tears, and though she had been crying she looked far more hurt and angry than sad.

"I'm sorry," she said, blushing with embarrassment. "I didn't mean to lose my temper and get so upset, but… It's just so frustrating! He's come so far, and hasn't done a single thing wrong since he promised to change. I just want people to realize how hard he tries, and what a good man he is…"

"I'm… sorry we bothered you," Tifa said, looking down at her feet. "You're my friend, Aeris, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay…"

"I appreciate that," Aeris said, though to Yuffie's ears she sounded more annoyed than grateful. "I'll call you later, okay? I just need some time to calm down, and then we can talk. He'll be asleep for hours yet."

"All right…" Tifa said, beginning to look tearful herself. She and Aeris shared a brief embrace, and the martial artist turned and hurried down the hallway without another word. Yuffie watched her go with a thoughtful frown, her mind racing in circles. She wanted to escape as quickly as possible, but something else left her glued to the spot.

"Uh… I'll be there in a minute!" she called after Tifa, clearing her throat and glancing back at Aeris. She looked confused, rubbing her eyes again and sighing heavily. Yuffie forced a smile, suddenly feeling shy and very unsure of herself. "Um… Aeris…" she began, her voice higher pitched than usual. "Are you okay?"

Aeris finally managed to smile back, nodding as her cheeks colored pink once more. "Yeah… I'm fine now. It's just… It's not easy, being married to someone everyone else hates and is afraid of, you know? It's lonely sometimes, and while I've never been happier, Seph needs a lot from me, too. I just feel overwhelmed now and then, and no one understands… It's better now that I have Lucrecia to talk to, but I still wish all of you tried to be a bit more supportive. Or at the very least didn't make things harder…"

Yuffie hung her head, chewing the inside of her cheek and shuffling one boot back and forth across the floor. "I'm really sorry, Aeris… I shoulda said something earlier," she said quietly, daring to glance up at from beneath her bangs. Her hair was starting to grow in, and she wasn't quite sure if she wanted to trim it short again.

"What do you mean?"

"Earlier, when no one would be his partner… I thought about it, but I chickened out because I didn't know what people would think. Then Tifa was so sure you were in danger, and even though I didn't really think so, I let her come in here and upset you. I'm really, really sorry…"

Yuffie stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Aeris, bursting into tears against her shoulder. She was so embarrassed that she was actually crying in front of someone, but the emotions were so strong that she couldn't help it. She felt so guilty, and so sorry for Sephiroth… and for Aeris, the strong, silent support behind him who never complained. The entire Planet might well be safe because of the inner strength of one petite young woman who loved gardening and the color pink. Yuffie had always measured a person's fortitude based upon their physical abilities, but the more she saw and experienced, the more she realized she'd been wrong. Sometimes, it was the strength from within that mattered. Sephiroth may have had incredible abilities that made him capable of amazing and frightening things, but Yuffie suddenly realized that Aeris might actually be far more powerful.

Aeris held her tight, rubbing her back in a comforting manner. "Aww, don't cry," she said, though she had begun to sniffle again as well. "I'm not mad at you, Yuffie!"

"_I'm_ mad at me," she insisted, stepping back and swiping angrily at her eyes. "It's about time I started acting like an adult, and stood up for what I believe in! I don't ever want to be a coward again. But um… Don't tell anyone I cried, okay?"

Aeris giggled, and a wide smile crossed Yuffie's face. At least her tears had indirectly caused her friend to laugh. "I promise."

"And when he wakes up, will you ask Sephiroth to please come back to class this weekend? Tell him I'm gonna be his partner, and if he doesn't show up, I'll know he was afraid I'd kick his ass!"

Aeris looked stunned for a moment, another tear escaping to slide down her cheek as she studied the young ninja was new respect. "I'll do that," she said with a smile, though her lower lip had begun to tremble. "Thanks, Yuffie."

"Uh huh!" Yuffie exclaimed, quickly spinning on her heel and jogging after Tifa before she got upset again. She'd had enough embarrassment and mushy stuff for one day. As she bounded down the steps, spotting Tifa just across the street, she felt happier than she had in a long time.


	13. Trash: Reno & Rude

**Trash**

((**Author's Note: **This is the result of a one-hour random word challenge using the word "Trash." I lost track of time while writing it, so we'll just say it was an hour, haha. My muse has been temperamental the last couple weeks, so sorry for the update delays. Anyway, The chair featured in this story has been mentioned before in some of my fics, and the second I saw this word, I thought of Reno's apartment (during his Turk days in Midgar, which is when/where this takes place). I hope you enjoy! _~ JenesisX _))

* * *

**Trash: **noun. anything worthless, useless, or discarded; rubbish.

* * *

Reno was excited as he used his keycard to unlock his apartment door. He was a bit buzzed following an evening out to dinner and drinking at his favorite bar, celebrating his birthday with his best friend. He'd been feeling depressed all week as the big day approached. Another year gone by… He was getting older all the time, and the lack of family or a special girl to celebrate it with only made things worse. Thankfully, Rude knew him all too well, taking him out to celebrate so he wouldn't sit at home brooding and getting drunk with his cat.

They'd had a great time, but that was not the reason for Reno's jubilation as he pushed his way through the door. During the drive home, Rude had informed him that a special gift awaited in his apartment. He was even more glad than usual that he'd insisted on driving, as his friend proceeded to order him to go faster and make aggressive maneuvers the entire trip. Reno had practically jogged to the elevator, pacing inside the small car and glaring at the other residents who boarded on different floors and slowed down the ride. Finally, the moment had arrived, and the redhead burst inside with Rude just behind.

"Where is it?!" Reno exclaimed, his eyes as bright as a child's on Christmas morning.

"Right there," Rude said, pointing across the living room. He couldn't wait to see the look of delight on his partner's face. He'd been looking forward to it all evening. For all his oddities and annoying behaviors, he thought of Reno as a brother… though no one would ever mistake them as such.

Reno followed his finger, then quickly looked back in Rude's direction with one eyebrow raised in confusion. "_Where?_"he repeated, completely baffled.

"Right. _There_."

Reno frowned, turning back to check again. "Um… I don't see anything, Rude. Is this a sick jo- Wait, why the hell is there a sheet over my chair?"

Rude sighed, smacking himself in the forehead with an open palm. "Maybe you should lift it up and see what's underneath?"

He watched as Reno slowly approached the covered piece of furniture, as if he was on a dangerous mission and expecting a trap. Rude half expected him to draw his gun. Finally, he reached the offending item and cautiously moved his hand toward it. Rude shook his head, smirking at how ridiculously he was acting. Then again, all those years as a Turk _did_ go a long way toward making one paranoid. He had to admit he'd likely have done the same thing if he'd had as many beers as Reno.

Finally, Reno took a hold of the sheet and yanked it back in one smooth motion, hopping backwards as he did so. He froze, holding the sheet in one hand as he stared at what it had been hiding. Almost a full minute passed, before Reno spun around on his heel to stare at Rude with his mouth hanging open. His eyes were wide with disbelief… and horror. Rude frowned, having hoped for a more enthusiastic reaction to the expensive gift.

"My chair!" Reno exclaimed, letting the sheet drop to the floor. His orange tabby cat, Pissy, appeared out of nowhere and pounced onto it. "Rude! What happened to my favorite chair?!"

_Uh oh…_

"Umm… Don't you like it?" Rude asked, cringing inwardly.

"I'm sure it's great and all, but… Seriously, where's my chair, yo?"

"It's, uh…" Rude paused to clear his throat, sweat beginning to trickle down his back, "in the trash."

"_WHAT?!_"

"Reno, that thing was _disgusting,_ and beat to hell. That's where it belonged."

"Dude, no! My chair! Oh gods, this can't be happening!"

For a moment, Reno looked like he was about to cry, still staring at Rude with accusation in his glassy blue eyes. Rude groaned to himself, wondering who he'd offended in a past life to end up with Reno as his best friend. Nothing was ever simple or easy where the redhead was concerned, and he should have known a simple gesture of kindness on his birthday would be no different.

"Did you even _look _at this one?" Rude asked, frustrated and wanting to step in before he became hysterical. "This is no ordinary chair, Reno. It's a Comfy-Man 3000X!"

"A what…?" Reno asked, glancing down to watch his cat bury himself in the discarded bed sheet. He didn't even smile, which was a very bad sign indeed.

"It's the best of the best. Top of the line, the height of comfort and convenience," Rude explained, cringing at how much he sounded like the commercial he'd seen. "This is one fucking sweet chair, Reno. It has everything you could ever want!"

"But… it's not _my_ chair…"

"It is now! Would you at least listen? Gods."

"Fine… What's so great about it?"

"To start, it's brand new, and looks and smells clean," Rude said, still trying to forget the horrors of its predecessor. "The material can be easily and safely wiped down, so if you spill something, it's no big deal. It's also completely stain resistant, and it's guaranteed against all wear and tear for ten years!"

"Sounds like a chair for a neat freak," Reno said with a pointed look. Rude frowned, hoping it didn't seem like he'd bought the thing for himself. He hadn't, of course, but he admitted his own concerns and preferences _might_ have snuck into the decision. He'd been determined to find something Reno-proof, and the salesman had assured him that even the biggest slob on the Planet couldn't ruin this chair. Rude had assured _him_ that his best friend would definitely be putting that claim to the test.

"That's just the start of it. I'm getting to the good stuff," Rude said with a heavy sigh, watching as Pissy abandoned the sheet and curiously approached the new recliner. "Now, this material is supposed to be unsatisfying to scratch, so the little angel here may actually have to use his scratching post now… or the couch more likely. Stupid cat…"

"Hey, not on my birthday, you chair trasher!"

"Why do I even bother…"

Pissy chose a section of the chair and extended a paw, nails extended and ready to make this new piece of furniture his own. But when he raked them down the deep blue material, he instantly stepped back and cocked his head, puzzled. His nails has been unable to sink into the material, and there was no satisfying tearing sound to please his kitty ears. A moment later, he seemed to shrug and walked a few steps away to his deluxe model cat tree and scratching post. Rude almost cheered when the feline began to claw at it in earnest.

"See!" he exclaimed, trying not to sound shocked that it actually worked.

"Wow," Reno finally allowed, watching his cat with amazement. "That's awesome! I mean… I still hate it, of course. Can we go get mine out of the trash now?"

"What?! NO! That's disgusting, and it already got picked up this afternoon. Tseng helped me take it down there early this morning, because I had this _feeling_…"

"You guys are assholes…"

"Here, I kept everything we found in and under the vile thing," Rude said, opening the drawer on one of Reno's end tables and removing several large baggies. He tossed them to the sulking Reno, who immediately opened all of them and dumped the contents onto the coffee table. He began to sort through the items, studying some as if he'd never seen them before. Perhaps he hadn't, Rude thought with a shudder.

"Remote control, six toy mice, lotsa change… Ooh, a condom! Nail clippers, nudey magazine, cookie, catnip pillow, beer can, bunch of hair bands, sun glasses, something sticky, 3 bullets, a CD, super ball, more gil… Wow. A virtual treasure chest!"

"It was really gross, Reno. You should have seen the shit we had to vacuum up, and what fell out when we turned the thing over. I love you, man, but you're a pig."

Reno giggled, absently paging through the magazine and forgetting about the rest of the recovered items. "Pfft, whatever."

"Now, do you want to hear the really cool stuff about your chair, or what?"

"Sure, I guess…"

"Okay, for starters, there is a pouch on the side for your porn and remote, and a drink holder folds out from one of the arms."

Reno glanced up for a moment, looking slightly interested but trying to hide it. "Meh."

"It reclines into six different positions, all by remote, so you never have to move. And it has safety features built in for small kids and pets, so it won't close if anything is under it. See? I even thought of the little fucker…"

"Yeah… thanks," he said with a shrug, glancing back at the new chair with a sigh. "It just won't be the same…"

"Why don't you sit in it and try it out?" Rude suggested, trying his damndest not to lose his temper and throttle his friend. He also tried not to think about how much gil he'd spent on the chair, or how much it was going to suck to have to return it. Hell, maybe he'd just keep the thing…

"Okay, if you want," Reno agreed without enthusiasm. He rose from where he'd crouched to sort through the retrieved items, approaching the chair as if being forced to greet an aunt he couldn't stand. He studied it for a moment, then turned and flopped into its plush cushions.

"Hmm, comfy," he said, running his hands over the arms. "It feels like leather, but softer and not all tacky. My favorite color, too."

"Here, try some of the settings." Rude handed Reno the remote control, then stood back to watch. He knew how much his friend liked to press random buttons just to see what would happen, and sure enough he began to do just that. At least this time he knew nothing was going to explode.

Reno almost smiled as a compartment opened beneath one arm and a cup holder rose into place. The next button he pushed caused the chair to recline, and he rapidly went through the various positions with a bigger and bigger grin on his face. Rude could feel his expression begin to mirror Reno's, the tension gradually melting away. Maybe this wasn't such a disaster after all.

Once Reno had experienced each position and shifted around to try various lounging poses, he turned back to Rude, his smile still a bit forced. "Well, thanks, partner. It's a really nice chair. I'm sure I'll get used to it."

"You missed a button, down at the very bottom."

Rude crossed his fingers behind his back. This feature would make or break the gift, and he dearly hoped it was enough to get Reno to stop fixating on the piece of shit he'd been using and appreciate just how amazing a recliner this really was.

Reno frowned down at the remote control, finally locating the button and pressing it. He looked around curiously, trying to see if anything had changed. And then it hit him.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed, his voice vibrating along with the chair. "Sweet!"

"Yep. It's a massage chair. There are five different levels, and it can also be set to warming or cooling. So on those hot days, when we've been outside on our feet for ten hours, you can come home, set it to cooling, and get a nice massage. And in the winter, it'll warm you up... all while holding your beer, and keeping your other necessities right there in the pouch so you don't lose them. You can spill shit all over it, and it will stay just like new. It's even inflammable, to protect you dumbass smokers from setting it on fire. Pissy will be safe, and won't be able to shred it to ribbons like the old one… So, do you like it now?"

"Yes!" Reno exclaimed, closing his eyes and smiling with pure bliss as the chair worked its magic. "This is fucking _awesome!_"

"Glad you like it… Happy birthday, man."

"Thanks, Rude. You're the best friend a guy could ever have. But you know what…?"

"Eh?" Rude was already at the refrigerator, getting his friend a beer to go along with his massage. He looked back over his shoulder, wondering what was wrong now.

"There's one thing it doesn't have, that would make it the best thing _ever_."

"Oh…?"

"The bottom should open up into a little toilet. Then I'd never have to get up again!"

"You're fucking disgusting."


	14. Defeat: Rufus & Heidegger

**Defeat**

((**Author's Notes: **This was a one hour challenge for the random word "defeat." I worked on it for just about 50 minutes. It is set right after _On My Honor_, based on Rufus' plans in the epilogue to take a vacation following all the drama. I'm not sure he's enjoying himself, though! Just something short and somewhat humorous, and some love for one of my favorite places to go. Thanks for the reads and reviews! ~ JenesisX ))

* * *

**Defeat: **verb;

1. to overcome in a contest, election, battle, etc.; prevail over; vanquish.

2. to frustrate; thwart.

3. to eliminate or deprive of something expected.

* * *

It was a perfect day for lounging on the beach at Costa Del Sol. The afternoon was warm without being sweltering, and a gentle breeze blew in from the North. The sky was painted a clear blue and punctuated by fluffy white clouds, groups of seagulls soaring overhead. The soft sand was warm beneath bare feet, the ocean temperature just right. Couples walked hand in hand, children frolicked about, and countless others laid out on blankets in search of a good tan. It was the kind of day pictured on post cards or described in cheesy romance novels, so beautiful it almost didn't seem real.

It was making him sick.

Rufus Shin-ra sat glaring beneath a brightly colored umbrella, dark sunglasses shielding his eyes. He hated the lovely weather and cheerful atmosphere. He hated each and every one of the happy people who were having such a good time all around him. He even hated the seagulls.

"Shut the hell up!" he yelled at a particularly large bird that landed nearby, calling shrilly to its friends.

Rufus normally loved the beach, able to lay in the sun or sit people watching… well, woman-watching… for hours on end. He adored this location, the section set aside for the wealthy and important people who owned expensive condos along the nicest stretch of oceanfront property. It was so clean and peaceful, perfect for relaxing and forgetting one's troubles. That was the reason he had chosen to retreat to Costa Del Sol, needing to get away from the recent drama in Midgar. But now his sanctuary brought no comfort, and he was unable to take his mind off of that which he'd been desperate to escape.

_Fucking Hojo… Fucking Turks…_

Rufus sighed loudly, following a bikini-clad young woman with his eyes. He was horrified to find that it brought him no pleasure. Why could he not simply forget about the company and enjoy his vacation? It was normally effortless to push aside his position of power and responsibilities when he chose to, but this time was different. This time was far more personal, and the hit he took went much deeper. He was not sure if he, or the company, would ever recover.

"Can I get you anything, sir?" Heidegger asked from the chair beside him, reminding him yet again of how much things had changed. For as long as he could remember, it was Tseng who accompanied him as his body guard. The quiet Wutaiin would have been standing behind Rufus' chair with his hands clasped behind his back, constantly scanning the area for danger and willing to do whatever his boss asked of him. He always remained in the background, allowing his employer to enjoy himself as normally as possibly. But not Heidegger.

Oh no. Heidegger had to _talk_ to him. Do you need this, sir? Can I do that, sir? Will you bend over so I can kiss your ass, sir? Ugh! As much as Rufus loved to be respected and feared, the big man's nervous groveling was sometimes too much even for him. Tseng was respectful without being disgusting about it, and Rufus could often forget he was there. Try as he might, it was impossible to do the same with his current protector.

He seemed to _want_ to be noticed, too, if his beach attire was any indication. Far from a slender man, Heidegger was shirtless, his hairy back and chest visible for the entire world to stare at… along with his ample stomach. It hung over his bathing trunks, which were far too small for him and left little to the imagination. They were also bright red with wild orange flowers dancing across the fabric. Rufus wasn't sure he'd ever seen Tseng out of a suit, though he imagined he must have worn something else to the beach the time or two he'd come along. But maybe not. At least if he _had_ decided to show skin, he wouldn't have looked so vile that Rufus wanted to vomit any time he caught sight of him.

"No," Rufus snapped, trying not to look in Heidegger's direction. "Just leave me alone."

"Is something wrong, sir?" he asked anyway, unable to take a hint.

"OF COURSE SOMETHING IS WRONG!" Rufus thundered, winning startled looks from the sunbathers and sand castle builders surrounding him. "I lost two heads of department on the same fucking day, along with three other highly trained Turks. What the fuck do you _think _is wrong?!"

"Uh… um… sorry, sir," Heidegger stammered, sweat running down the sides of his face and into his thick black beard. "It's a really nice day, though."

Rufus growled in response, and the big man finally snapped his mouth shut. Great. Now it was all fresh in his mind again. How he hoped Hojo was burning in the depths of hell for his stupidity. He wished he'd gotten to kill the idiot himself. Why oh why had he thought letting that lunatic experiment on a high-ranking employee was a good idea? He should have known the other Turks would not approve and take matters into their own hands. He should he realized Tseng would value his sex life with a young attractive blond over his paycheck… Or did he actually want to protect her and the unborn baby? Rufus couldn't imagine why any man with sense would not have taken the opportunity he'd offered to deny it and walk away. Tseng had always seemed so logical, but the choice he made truly blew Rufus' mind. Perhaps he never really knew the man after all… And as a result, the entire company was a gigantic, chaotic mess.

_My father must be rolling over in his grave…_

Rufus sighed as he reached for his nearly untouched wine cooler, taking a long sip as he gazed out into the ocean. He had hoped to find peace here, to forget his troubles and clear his mind so he could deal with it all when he returned in two weeks. So far, it wasn't working, only making him more agitated and distressed. He watched the tall waves breaking and rushing to shore, feeling as volatile as the sea.

"I'm going to go for a swim," Rufus muttered, rising to his feet and removing his shirt and sunglasses. The endlessness of the ocean and the crashing waves called to him, tempting him to wade out deeper and deeper until he vanished from the Planet. Maybe the water would sooth his burning anger. As he began to approach the shoreline, he could already imagine the uplifting feeling of floating atop the crests of the tallest waves before they broke. The very thought began to calm him, and he pretended not to notice the lumbering Heidegger obediently tromping after him in his ridiculous outfit. He also tried not to see the gorgeous group of women to their right who were pointing and giggling behind their hands. He'd _never _find a date for the evening with this sasquatch along… Gods, he missed Tseng.

_I have got to find a new body guard as soon as possible… This is embarrassing._

"I love the ocean! Gya ha ha ha!"

"Shut _up _with that stupid horse laugh! And for gods' sake, try to keep your trunks on this time…"


	15. Hire: Rufus

**Hire**

((**Author's Notes: **This is a one hour challenge for the random word "Hire." It happens to follow in sequence with the previous episode, "Defeat." The job applicants in this story are parodies of coworkers and supervisors I've actually worked with. Definitely did not use any real names, and physical descriptions and even gender may not belong to the actual person. It's the personalities I swiped and nothing more. If you see your own likeness, erm… um… Jen? My name isn't Jen! ;) Anyway, enjoy! _~ JenesisX _))

* * *

**Hire: **verb;

1. to acquire the temporary use of (a thing) or the services of (a person) in exchange for payment

2. to employ (a person) for wages

* * *

Rufus sat behind the large desk in his private office, Heidegger seated to his left and his personal secretary to his right with a laptop resting on her thighs. They were gathered to interview applicants to replace Tseng as leader of the Turks, an undertaking Rufus had been putting off since he'd returned from his vacation. He hated having to _talk_ to people and pretend he actually cared what they were saying. And he had a feeling he'd never find anyone as good as the employee he'd lost. But it had to be done soon, as the department had become chaotic and unorganized. The Turks were pretty much doing as they pleased without supervision, which meant that most of them were doing nothing at all. He could feel his blood pressure begin to rise at the thought of people being paid with _his_ gil to waste time, gritting his teeth and pulling at the collar of his shirt. No, that had to stop immediately.

"The first appointment is for an Ambrose Abraham," his secretary was saying as he sat and fumed. "He's a Turk with high level clearance who's been with the department for five years. His file contains mostly mediocre reviews from Tseng, though there are also a few disciplinary actions…"

"For what?" Rufus muttered, glancing at the clock. This guy was already almost five minutes late…

"Looks like mostly tardiness, and several write-ups for irresponsible behavior and endangering colleagues in the field."

Rufus sighed. This prospect already sounded terrible, although… he also sounded a lot like Reno. _That _disaster waiting to happen would have inherited the job had he not taken off with Tseng, after all. He briefly wondered how that would have played out.

"He's late," Heidegger pointed out needlessly, jabbing one meaty thumb at the clock on the wall. For all his faults, the big man was very punctual and had no tolerance for those who weren't. If only Rufus could purge his mind of the recent memory of Heidegger rising out of the ocean after a particularly strong wave, sans swim trunks. He'd been obsessively checking his inbox, expecting to find law suites from parents of all the children who were traumatized by the display. He shuddered, carefully avoiding turning his head to look at his military leader.

"I can tell time," Rufus snapped, as a rapid knock at the door echoed through the room. "COME!" he shouted, to be sure the applicant knew he was less than pleased. He was tempted to lecture him for wasting their time and send him on his way without an interview, but he was also desperate. Surprisingly few people had responded to the ad.

A short, thin man with a shaved head burst into the room, so quickly he tripped on the carpeting and bumped into the chair that awaited him. He wore a wide smile, still in the process of shrugging into his suit jacket as if he'd been getting dressed on the run.

"Oops, sorry! Hehehe. Good morning, sirs! I'm Ambrose Abraham! Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find my lucky tie, and then I couldn't find my PHS! And I forgot to eat breakfast so I had to stop and grab a bagel and some coffee! Hehe! Gotta have my coffee! Sorry again! But I'm here now and ready to go! Thank you for this great opportunity!"

Rufus blinked as the man sat down in the chair across his desk, struggling to figure out just what the hell language he'd just heard. Ambrose had spoken in one long, rambling clip, his words connected without any pause in between them. He hadn't even stopped to breathe. Upon closer inspection, along with that stupid grin still plastered across his flushed face, Rufus saw that his eyes were dilated, glancing sideways at Heidegger. He seemed to notice, too, raising one thick eyebrow and frowning deeply beneath his beard. Rufus' secretary was already typing furiously.

_Is this man on something? Did he really show up to a job interview of this caliber HIGH?_

"You seem… rather energetic this morning," Rufus said lightly, trying to hide his irritation. Perhaps he could bring out the truth and get to fire this clown instead of promoting him, something that would definitely improve his mood. Gods, he loved to fire people…

"Yes, sir, always!" Ambrose exclaimed, his wide eyes and gigantic grin making him look rather like a patient in the local mental asylum. "I always start the day with a pot or two of coffee, so I'll be ready to start work. And I use _these_ to keep me going!"

He reached into his jacket pocket and produced a small, colorful bottle, thrusting it across the desk to show them. "This is my secret! I'm getting older, but I'm not going to let it slow me down! You should try it, it works great and really helps me focus!"

Rufus leaned forward and read the label. Five Hour Hyperactivity. He cringed, thinking of all the horrible things that went into such a product. And with all the coffee the man had already consumed, it was a wonder his heart hadn't stopped.

"How much of that… stuff… do you drink in a day?" Heidegger asked, appearing equally disturbed.

"Huh? What?" Ambrose asked, glancing up from where he'd been picking at a loose thread on the arm of the chair.

"Helps you focus, indeed…"

* * *

"And my son Gavin, he's only five you know, but he can already read above his grade level! He's so smart, and he really loves to play baseball with my nephew. Then Trinity Rose, my daughter, just started fourth grade. She's got so many little friends, and they all come over for sleepovers. We make popcorn, and-"

Rufus' mouth hung open as the heavyset woman before him prattled on about her children, pausing only to thrust small portraits of them in his direction. He felt as if his brain had been sucked out his ear canal and deposited into the trash can beneath his desk. Hadn't he asked her why she thought she would make a strong leader? How had they gotten onto the subject of children and sleepovers?

"Wait, wait," he finally interrupted, holding up a hand to stop her in mid sentence. "You know this is an interview for department head of the Turks, right…?"

"Well, of course," she said, blinking as if stunned out of her rant. "Why do you ask?

_Because you sound like you're applying to be my nanny, and I don't have any fucking brats!_

"Never mind… We'll call you."

_No, we won't…_

* * *

"It says here… that you were one of Tseng's secretaries?" Rufus asked the next applicant, trying not to stare at her breasts. Her blouse was so tight and low cut that she had to have worn it on purpose. If she sneezed, he had a feeling they would pop right out. That might brighten up his morning… Perhaps he should just hire her and hope for the best.

"Yes, sir. I worked for him for about three years. I'm so bored right now… I really miss Tseng." She sighed dreamily, and Rufus fought not to roll his eyes. He was reminded of the times he'd been out with his former body guard, hoping to attract a date for the evening… only to have women he was interested in more interested in Tseng. Thankfully, he'd always brushed them off and politely nudged them in Rufus' general direction. Oh gods, now _he_ missed Tseng again, too…

"So you have no actual experience as a Turk," Heidegger interjected, realizing Rufus' mind was lost somewhere between the past and their applicant's cleavage.

"Well… no, I'm not a Turk. But I've done so much work with them, and handled so many reports and other important matters. How hard could it be? Just teach me how to shoot and I'm good to go!"

"That's… not quite how it works," Rufus finally managed, glancing at the clock and relieved to see that they would be breaking for lunch as soon as he got rid of the tits- er, woman seated across from him. "There's a lot more to being a Turk than just paperwork and firing a gun."

The woman frowned darkly, meeting his eyes with chilling intensity. "I assure you I'm more than capable of doing Tseng's job. I practically did it already anyway." Her pointed expression seemed to imply that she thought she could do _his_ job, too. The arrogance in her statement made Rufus' blood boil, and he felt his face turn crimson as he balled his hands into fists in his lap. His patience had already run short, and he was not going to sit there while this moron gloated.

"Oh? Do tell. Did you take a near fatal sword wound to the chest and return to your job in mere weeks? Did you save my father's life by jumping in front of a bullet? Do you know the first thing about espionage, undercover work, or body guarding? Can you fly a helicopter? No? What are you going to do, _flash _the enemy into submission?!"

The woman stood, gave him the finger, and stormed toward the door. "I quit!" she exclaimed, exiting and slamming it behind her. Rufus sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair, raising his hands to massage his temples.

"Do you think Tseng might consider coming back, if I sent him a complimentary letter and begged hard enough?" he moaned, his head pounding with tension. "I could pardon him for killing Hojo, give him a raise, bribe him as much as necessary…"

"I'm not sure that would work, sir," Heidegger said, standing and stretching his arms over his head. "He seemed pretty pissed when he blew Hojo's brains out. Frankly, sir, I think you're lucky he didn't come for you afterwards."

Rufus raised his eyebrows, not having thought about that. Had Tseng spared him on purpose, or simply not wanted to risk getting caught? He had a feeling he didn't want to know the answer…

"All right, then… Let's have lunch and hope the next few interviews go a bit better."

* * *

The afternoon prospects were no brighter. Several hours later, Rufus was left sitting alone at his desk to mull over the horrors he'd witnessed. They ran through his mind like an ungodly parade of freaks, each intent on destroying what remained of his company.

An unclean young man who reeked of alcohol. A Wutaiin woman who could barely speak Universal. An elderly man he feared might drop dead right there in the office. A woman who seemed promising until Heidegger caught her in several lies.

"What am I going to do?" he asked the empty office, staring up at the ceiling. Sometimes, he really missed his father. The old man had been cold and controlling, but he always knew just what to do. At that moment, Rufus felt lost and alone. Both parents were dead, he'd lost a handful of very important personnel, and there seemed to be no one left he could call on for help.

Why was everyone so incompetent? Heidegger and Scarlet were all right, he supposed. But at that moment, he needed something more. He needed someone logical and intelligent. Someone dependable, who remained calm and handled whatever was thrown his way. He needed-

"Reeve!" he exclaimed, reaching for his phone. Maybe Reeve could help save his sinking ship. Perhaps there was hope after all.

* * *

((**Author's Note: **If you are familiar with my AU, you should see the irony in this. Reeve is actually a snitch, passing off information to Avalanche via Tseng. So he's the _last _person Rufus ought to confide his troubles in! This little plotline may end up continued in other challenges. We shall see what kind of random words and ideas I get. _~ JenesisX _))


	16. Training: Sephiroth, Aeris & Yuffie

**Training**

((**Author's Notes: **This was a one hour random word challenge for 'training.' The story follows the previous episode, 'Temper,' where no one would step up to be Sephiroth's sparring partner in Tifa's martial arts class and Yuffie promised to do so from then on. So here we have the results of that new partnership! I was naughty again and lost track of time, as I started this a couple weeks ago but then lost my motivation. Forgive me, okay? ;) ~ _JenesisX_ ))

* * *

**Training: **_verb; _to give the discipline and instruction, drill, practice, etc. designed to impart proficiency or efficiency.

* * *

Aeris was in the dining room of her apartment, an old sheet spread out to protect the large table. She had laid out several rows of small flower pots, a big bag of soil, and countless packets of seeds. Her plan was to begin seedlings of several different types of vegetables, then hand them out to her friends and neighbors to celebrate the coming of spring. Aeris loved to garden and watch things grow, and she had an undeniably green thumb. Her attention, however, was divided as she began to work on her project.

In the adjacent living room, her husband had shoved aside the coffee table to clear the center of the room. His loyal Great Dane, Blade, laid in his bed and watched his owner's every move, his warm brown eyes full of concern. Sephiroth stood facing Yuffie, who had been his regular sparring partner in Tifa's martial arts class for the last few weeks. The two of them were busy discussing what type of routine they should perform in an upcoming demonstration for the entire base. It was being organized to increase interest in the class and get others to consider joining, and also to raise gil for uniforms, belts, and other equipment.

"So here's my idea," Yuffie was saying, dressed in a t-shirt and shorts much like her opponent. Both had removed their footwear, and Sephiroth had pulled his long hair back into a pony tail to keep it out of the way. He still wore his gloves, a definite fashion crime, but he never removed them for anyone but Aeris. "We can demonstrate how someone small can defeat a much larger opponent!"

"I am not sure I like the sound of that…"

"Oh, come on! I looked around during class yesterday, and we're the only partners with a big size difference. So it'll definitely be original! Plus, it will actually help the women and kids watching learn how to fight off a man. You know what the statistics say… If you get attacked it's almost always by a dude."

Yuffie was clearly excited about her idea, rocking back and forth on the heels of her bare feet and gesturing wildly as she spoke. Her eyes were shining, and she regarded Sephiroth like a hopeful puppy begging for a treat.

"What exactly do you propose we do?" Sephiroth asked, as reluctant as Yuffie was enthusiastic. His mouth was turned down into a scowl, and his eyes were wary. His posture remained defensive, arms folded across his broad chest. Aeris glanced up for a moment, hoping their practice session would go well. Sephiroth still had precious few allies, and she didn't want Yuffie to end up regretting her kindness towards him.

"We'll act out a skit where I'm walking alone at night, and you sneak up from behind and grab me. I'll demonstrate how to get out of a few holds, defend myself against your attacks, then get away safely."

"So I am to behave like a rapist, then stand there and let you beat the hell out of me in front of everyone."

Aeris had to lift a hand to cover her mouth, thankful she hadn't stuck it into the dirt yet. Sephiroth and his deadpan were so funny sometimes, and he didn't even realize it. She'd noticed the same dry sense of humor from Vincent, but in that case she _thought _it was intentional. Then again, you could never quite be sure.

"It's a _skit_," Yuffie stressed, rolling her eyes. "People know it's choreographed and has a planned outcome. Duh."

Sephiroth snorted, finally unfolding his arms and clearing his throat. "I suppose it is not a bad idea…"

"Sweet! Then we're doing it!" Yuffie exclaimed, hopping in place with a wide grin on her face. "I already have some ideas for how this can go, you wanna see?"

Aeris tried to pretend she wasn't paying attention as she opened a packet of seeds and began to lovingly plant them in the fresh dirt, but she kept her ear tuned to the conversation in the living room. Sephiroth rarely socialized, and when he did it was usually with her at his side leading the conversation. She was interested to see how he and Yuffie would get along, admitting that part of her was a bit nervous. Her husband could be quite sensitive and temperamental, and the young ninja had a way of grating on one's nerves.

"Okay, so it's night time, and I'm coming home from… uh… the store!" Yuffie ran to the couch and returned with a pillow in her arms. "I'm carrying a bag of groceries, and I'm all distracted looking at my PHS." She shifted the 'bag' to one side, reaching into her pocket and flipping open the device with the other. "So I'm breaking the safety rules by being a cute young woman alone after dark, with my arms full and not paying attention to my surroundings."

Sephiroth rolled his eyes. "'Cute'…"

"Oh, shut up. Okay, so I have to pass by a dark alley, right?" She pointed to the hallway that led toward the apartment's bedrooms, and Sephiroth obediently positioned himself where she indicated. "When I do, you leap out from behind and grab me!"

Sephiroth awkwardly stepped back into the room as Yuffie walked past him, getting into her role and humming to herself. He carefully slipped an arm around her neck, barely touching her. Yuffie sighed heavily, easily ducking away and turning to face him with her hands on her hips.

"This requires a bit of acting here," she said with frustration, shaking her head. "Come on, do it like you mean it!"

Aeris glanced up, frowning slightly. She knew that Sephiroth hated to be touched by anyone but her, and he had moments where he would not even allow that. He'd obviously been able to handle sparring and other drills within the structure of the class, but she was a bit concerned that Yuffie might pushing him too hard. Blade seemed worried too, and his eyes followed his human everywhere he went.

"All right…"

Sephiroth returned to the 'alley,' and Yuffie obliviously trotted past again. This time, he leaped out with a convincing snarl on his face, slipping one arm around her neck and yanking her back against him with the other. Yuffie shrieked, dropping the pillow and her PHS, her eyes wide with real alarm. Aeris was about to say something when she saw the playful smirk on her husband's face, and he released his partner a second later.

"Better?"

"You don't have to break my neck!" she exclaimed indignantly. "But yeah… that was much better!"

Aeris had to give her credit. Yuffie was a lot tougher than she looked. She appeared to be completely unafraid of Sephiroth, despite his reputation, dark past, and the fact that he was a full foot taller than she was. Her limbs looked like twigs next to his muscular ones, and when he'd had a hold of her she looked like a helpless child. Somehow, Yuffie had always been less afraid of Sephiroth, and of Vincent, than almost all of the others. Whether it was her youth that made her more open minded, or the experiences she'd had once she ran away from home, Aeris wasn't sure.

"Then what?" Sephiroth asked, finally appearing to relax and allow his partner to lead the way.

"All right, come take a hold of me like that again," Yuffie said, presenting her back to him and waiting. Sephiroth gently slipped one arm around her neck, and the other around her waist, tightening his hold once Yuffie was ready. He was aware of his size and strength, used to Aeris who was not that much bigger.

"So I dropped my shit, and I'll scream for effect," she said. "Then I'm going to get out of your hold by elbowing you in the ribs and lifting my foot backwards to kick you in the… uh… hehe."

Her face turned bright red and she started to laugh, and Sephiroth blushed even worse. Aeris covered a giggle by coughing, setting aside the first of the planted seeds and spilling some of the dirt across the table cover.

"You better only fake that," Sephiroth muttered, squirming uncomfortably at the thought.

"I will, no worries," Yuffie said, still giggling. "It'll be a good reminder for people that even the greatest of generals can be felled by a swift kick in the balls!"

"Yuffie!" Aeris exclaimed, now laughing out loud. "Be nice to my husband, please."

"Yes ma'am," she said, clearing her throat and trying to be serious again. "Okay, so I elbow you…" She punctuated the sentence by ramming her elbow backwards, making light contact with Sephiroth's stomach. "Then I kick you down below and you let go and double over."

Sephiroth leaned over and covered his crotch with both hands, his movements so stiff and unconvincing that Yuffie sighed loudly. "We'll have to work on that," she said, shaking her head. "You _suck_ at pretending!"

"It is not exactly something I've had a lot of experience with," he snorted, glaring at her in annoyance. Aeris winced, hoping he was not about to start thinking about his unhappy past. Thankfully, he straightened up and glanced her direction, and when their eyes met he seemed to be telling her to relax. Aeris smiled, blushing a bit. He could very likely feel her concern through their strong mental connection, and she scolded herself for not having more faith in him.

"It's cool, I'll teach you," Yuffie said, and Aeris almost melted at how cute she was. She was trying so hard, and being so genuine, that she'd managed to put Sephiroth largely at ease. She didn't hate or fear him, and that fact changed the way he responded. If only people realized that their distrust only served to bring out the worst in him. If they'd just treat him like a normal man, they'd see what a good person he really was.

"So I am… gripping myself," Sephiroth said, bending over again as Yuffie turned her back to him, then spun around like she had just broken out of his hold.

"Yep. Now I can reach your face, so I'll uppercut you. You're stunned for a moment, but then you to reach out and grab my wrist."

Sephiroth did as he was told, his actions less forced and a lot more convincing. He took a hold of Yuffie's arm, and she instantly fired a roundhouse kick into his rib case when he left his body exposed. The kick connected a bit harder than she intended, and Aeris heard him grunt in pain as he released his grip on her. She winced, hating to watch two people fight for just such a reason, even if it was mostly fake. She knew Sephiroth was unharmed, but she still worried.

"Oww," he said flatly, frowning at his partner with disapproval. "You _still _have an issue pulling your kicks…"

"Sorry!" she said, wincing. "I know I do, I jus-"

She was interrupted as Blade charged across the room to reach them, throwing his body in between the two of them and looking up into Yuffie's face. His gentle brown eyes now held a quiet threat, though he did nothing but use his massive body to push her away from Sephiroth. She stood frozen, holding up her hands to show the dog she meant no harm.

"Hey, it's all right, boy. I didn't mean it," she said nervously, as Sephiroth took a firm hold of his pet's collar and pulled him back. Blade whined in protest, still eyeing Yuffie suspiciously.

"I am sorry… He has become rather protective of me as of late. He sometimes tries to keep Aeris away from me as well."

It was true, a behavioral development Sephiroth had been reading about and attempting to correct. Blade seemed to fear that anyone touching his master was a danger to him, and had recently taken exception to even the shared intimacy between husband and wife. He never growled or tried to bite, but the look in his eyes was worrisome… It was also rather annoying to have an enormous dog shove his head between them at just the right moment.

"Go lay down," Sephiroth firmly ordered his pet, pointing one gloved finger toward his bed. "And stay there."

Blade lowered his eyes and slowly retreated with his head down, flopping onto his bed with an audible sigh. He put on his most sulky expression as he forlornly watched his human, and Aeris shook her head fondly. The big dog adored her husband, often a bit too much. She understood _that _all too well.

Sephiroth and Yuffie planned out the rest of the skit, then practiced it over and over again until it became a very convincing scene. Aeris was so proud of her husband as she watched from the dining room, almost finished planting her seeds and starting to clean up the mess. He was relaxed and willing to let Yuffie position him when needed, something he never could have tolerated even a few months before. He handled his diminutive partner gently in turn, mindful of his greater strength as he worked to perfect his acting. The two of them kept up an easy banter and discussion about their performance, the most unlikely of partners working together flawlessly and actually enjoying themselves.

Once she'd taken the potted seeds outside to the balcony and cleaned up the last of the dirt and supplies, Aeris entered the living room with a pleased grin. Sephiroth and Yuffie were now seated on the floor together, writing out the introduction to their skit they would read to the audience. They both glanced up as she brought them each a cold glass of water.

"That looked great!" she said as they accepted the drinks, though she was impressed with much more than the performance itself. "I'm about to find something to cook for dinner, Yuffie, if you'd like to join us."

"Sure!" she agreed, taking a long drink before setting it on the coffee table. Sephiroth had already downed his and returned the empty glass to his wife. "If Blade doesn't mind, haha."

Upon hearing his name, the big dog's ear pricked up. He rose from his bed and trotted over, getting right in Yuffie's face and sniffing her thoroughly. He paused, then suddenly slurped her from chin to forehead with his enormous tongue. She fell over backwards onto the carpet, giggling helplessly as the Dane peered down at her. His eyes were playful as he watched her, and he almost appeared to be smiling.

"I think he forgives you," Sephiroth said with a smirk.

Aeris grinned and returned to the kitchen, overjoyed that Sephiroth had done so well. She was so grateful to Yuffie for giving him a chance, realizing just how much she had matured and grown since she joined the team. They _all_ had, she realized, amazed yet again by the incredible turn her life had taken the previous year. The Planet remained a dangerous place, and Shin-ra was still out there as threatening as ever, but she wouldn't have changed a thing.


	17. Baby: Tseng & Elena

**Baby**

((**Author's Notes**: This was a one hour random word challenge for the word "Baby." The idea was immediate, and anyone familiar with my AU probably would have known who this story featured without the summary. Well, maybe. This takes place after my fic _On My Honor_, during which Elena found out she was pregnant. I went over the time limit and this idea sort of ran away from me, but I think it needed to. It's almost more of a one-shot, so sue me! It was a bit difficult to write, because it's highly introspective and I'm still working on that with Tseng, but I think it turned out pretty well. I'm gonna keep writing Tseng/Elena stuff until they take over the fandom, btw, haha. ;) Reviews are deeply appreciated as always! _~ JenesisX _))

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**Baby**: _noun; _**1**. newborn or recently born child; infant **2**. an unborn child; fetus

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Tseng sat on the newly installed carpeting in the spare bedroom, holding a laminated sheet of instructions in his hands. He supposed he really ought to stop thinking of the room that way. It was in the process of being transformed, and before long it would no longer be unoccupied. The very thought forced him to pause in his work, looking around at the mess the surrounded him as his mind began to wander.

He sat with one long leg stretched out in front of him, several polished lengths of wood resting against it. His other leg was tucked in close to his body, a bag of various screws and bolts resting on his bent knee. All around him, various sections of the crib he was constructing were spread out in different stages of completion. It was far from a difficult task for a man who was able to build bombs and other complicated devices from memory, but it was taking far longer than it should have because he couldn't seem to keep his mind focused on the task. Every time he looked around the room, or stopped to really think about what he was doing and why, it all came racing back. By the end of the year, he would be a father.

Though far from finished, the small room was slowly beginning to look like a proper nursery… and it terrified him. Elena had been thrilled when he'd brought home the gil Vincent had donated for the room and baby's other needs, and he knew she had left a thank you note at his office. Tseng was far too embarrassed to do so himself, unable to shake the deep feeling of failure that went along with his inability to provide for his own child. At least he had been able to keep she and Elena safe… Ever since receiving the gift, Elena had happily begun picking out things for the nursery, even though their daughter's birth was still some time away. Though still nervous and stunned by the situation, she had quickly begun to move past it toward excitement and anticipation. Tseng envied her, though at the same time he thought she was not really thinking things through.

They were hardly ideal parents in the best of situations to welcome their first child into the world, after all. They'd been hiding their relationship for a year because of their positions at work, until Elena learned she'd accidentally become pregnant. Then they'd had to run for their lives and become fugitives on house arrest under the protection of their former enemies. Suddenly they were living together instead of sneaking around, still adjusting to _that _change and their new lives. Not to mention that Shin-ra might attack the base at any time, and there was no telling what they might try to do in way of revenge for their escape and the fact that Tseng had murdered Professor Hojo. Some environment for an infant…

Tseng looked back at the instructions, frowning and trying to concentrate on his work again. Elena had gone out to lunch with Aeris, Shera and Lucrecia, and he wanted to have _something_ accomplished by the time she returned. She knew that he already loved their daughter and would do anything for her, but also realized that he was very nervous and reluctant about becoming a parent. He wanted nothing more than to ease her mind and make her happy, even if it required keeping his concerns largely to himself. He didn't want her to worry while she was pregnant and had enough on her mind. Elena seemed so happy, and though it was a tired cliché she really did seem to glow. Tseng was not about to take that from her with his foolishness. He would _not _be weak when she was demonstrating such amazing strength.

He turned to the next page, his dark eyes immediately drawn to an illustration of a man gently placing a baby girl inside a completed crib. Tseng found he couldn't look away, struck much harder by the simple image than he ever would have expected. A father and daughter, the way it should be… a life that would soon be his reality. Gods, how was he ever going to manage?

Tseng was a man of many skills and a wealth of life experiences that had brought him from one side of the Planet to the other. He was an expert with firearms of all kinds, as well as explosives, knives, and many other types of weapons. He was a deadly yet perfectly controlled martial artist, he could pick almost any lock, and his ability to gather intelligence was superior to anyone on the Planet. He was a natural leader whose quiet confidence and command presence inspired others to listen and respect his decisions, yet he knew when to bend the rules and never violated his own code of honor. His pain tolerance had grown incredibly high over the years, and he'd survived injuries that should have killed him more than once. He was highly intelligent, completely bilingual, and a very dangerous man when he chose to be. But everything he had learned over the years and all the skills he had acquired suddenly amounted to absolutely nothing. If he'd thought he was ill prepared to fall in love and develop a serious relationship with Elena, when it came to fatherhood he was poised at the edge of a very steep cliff without the benefit of a parachute. He knew absolutely nothing aside from his father's aloof and controlling example, something he was not about to repeat, and even less about how to care for a baby. What in the hells was he supposed to do with an infant who would grow into a little girl? _His_ little girl…

Tseng felt his chest tighten as his eyes roamed across the pale purple walls of the nursery, the palm of one hand brushing across the plush carpeting. It was also purple but several shades darker, and everything Elena had bought so far was perfectly coordinated and ideal for a baby girl. The room was so soft, so gentle… Tseng suddenly felt very out of place even sitting on the floor. While he did indeed have a warm and tender side no one but Elena had ever seen, his exterior remained cool and detached, his expression often unreadable. He was uncomfortable with outward displays of emotion after a lifetime of burying them far beneath the surface. If he was still struggling to remove the mask of indifference he wore even for his lover, how could he possibly be a good father? He didn't want his daughter to grow up thinking he didn't care just because he didn't know how to show her…

Tseng was most comfortable when he had a mission with a clear goal, and his first days of 'fatherhood' had been just that. The shock and strong emotions he'd felt when Elena told him she was pregnant had been largely hidden beneath his need to handle the situation. He'd needed to speak to Rufus to keep them both from being fired for their indiscretions with each other, then approach Hojo to be sure his strange interest in their unborn child was properly curbed. When everything had gone horribly wrong, he'd focused on the battle to rescue Elena and get them to safety with the help of Reno and Rude. And Reeve. Missions, battles, objectives… Those things felt safe to him, even when his life was in danger, and they fit neatly into his mind with perfect order. But once he had reached his goal and gotten them safely to Junon Harbor, there had been nothing left to do. He finally had time to stop and _think_ about everything that had happened, and everything that was _going _to happen… and it was nearly overwhelming.

One thing, however, was immediately clear. Somewhere along the way, as he'd fought to free himself and Elena from Shin-ra Headquarters and get them to safety, he'd started thinking about the unborn child she carried. A daughter, Hojo had told her while he briefly held her captive. _Their_ daughter… Suddenly it wasn't just Elena he was fighting so hard to protect, and the realization left him stunned and confused. How could he come to care for the small life developing within his lover so quickly? Visions of a tiny, helpless infant flashed before his eyes, and he knew at that moment he already loved his daughter. But was that enough?

Tseng hated the way his reservations made Elena fear that he didn't want their child, and he'd had to reassure her many times that he had no regrets about what he'd done. But he would also never lie to her… He missed his job with the Turks and his freedom. His pride was wounded each time he had to take orders from Avalanche and perform menial tasks around the base for room and board, and the ankle monitoring bracelets they wore added insult to injury. It was worth it to keep she and their baby safe, however, and he would have done it all again without a second thought. She was unconvinced, however, and Tseng sighed heavily as the guilt washed over him. It shouldn't be this way. He wanted her to be secure in the knowledge of how much he loved her, how much he meant it when he promised to never leave her side and to always be there for their daughter. Instead he was so nervous he would fail as a father that he had her wondering if he even wanted the role.

Did he, though? It was a question he still asked himself as he finally got to his knees and began attaching two sections of the crib's frame. He needed to do something to relieve the tension building inside his mind before it drove him mad, and he knew Elena would be home shortly. He had never planned to have a family… He'd been married to his career since he was a young man, and once he became the head of the Turks he simply did not have the time. He'd never met anyone who interested him enough to consider having a serious relationship with even if he'd cared to, anyway. Until the day Elena had walked into his office, and changed everything. Still, he'd never considered having a _child_ with her! They were Turks, and their relationship was a carefully guarded secret because she was his subordinate and he could lose his job if they were found out. Elena was rather young and only just beginning her career, and by now Tseng figured he was too old to consider starting a family and chasing after little ones even if they had been in a more stable situation. Had he ever really desired to be a father? If he was honest with himself, the answer was no. But once it happened, what he felt took him completely by surprise.

The near instinctive need to protect his lover and their unborn child was so strong he would have done anything, and had in fact killed outside of his work for the first time because Hojo had dared lay a hand upon them. He hadn't even thought about it, and there were no regrets. Now all he wanted to do was be at Elena's side and keep her from harm, but it wasn't just she he was working to protect. Sometimes when he gazed at his lover, he could see a tiny baby girl with the same clear blue eyes, and the need to reach out and hold her was overwhelming. He had never loved anyone the way he loved Elena, and the thought that they had conceived a child together… created a new life out of the bond they shared… was amazing. He never thought he would get to share that experience with someone, especially someone he cared about so deeply. He still could not believe he had her in his life, and now he would have a daughter as well. Suddenly he was not a man who lived only for his job, coming home to an empty apartment each night or traveling on a mission with no one to call before he went to sleep each night. It still felt unreal as he connected two large sections and stood them up, glancing at the instructions before reaching for the next few pieces he needed. Tseng had a family for the first time since leaving home in his teens… and in some ways, for the first time in his life.

_Gods I don't want to mess this up…_

As he aligned the next two pieces and prepared to begin screwing them together, he heard a key in the front door and closed his eyes, hanging his head in frustration with himself. He had accomplished so little, and now Elena was home and would think he didn't care enough to put out much effort. She had worked so hard on the nursery while he was working around Junon Harbor with Reno and Rude, and he couldn't even manage to build a few pieces of furniture like he'd promised. This did not bode well for his chances at successful fatherhood, or how much faith she was likely to have in his abilities.

He was still staring down at the two separate pieces when he felt Elena standing behind him in the doorway, quietly taking in the scene. She knew he was aware of her presence and seemed to be waiting for him to say something or turn around to greet her. When he didn't, he could almost _hear _her frown before she entered the room and came to his side, dropping down to her knees beside him.

"Did I pick out a really difficult one?" she asked sympathetically, taking in the many pieces of the crib that surrounded him.

Tseng snorted, a bit offended. "I haven't been away from the Turks _that_ long, Elena."

She laughed, but it was not with amusement. It was nervous laughter, something she did out of habit any time he made her uneasy. He sighed heavily and lifted a hand to rub the center of his forehead, the headache that had begun to form from leaning over all afternoon only growing worse.

"Are you getting a migraine?" she asked him, instantly concerned. It was so like her. She forgot her own discomfort the second she thought he needed her, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"No. I am the one who should be worrying about you."

He finally lifted his head and turned to look at her, managing to soften his expression and favor her with a slight smile. Her pregnancy had only just begun to show, and she had never looked more beautiful in his eyes. He wished he was the kind of man who was able to tell her so, but when their eyes met she seemed almost able to read his thoughts. She smiled and moved closer, leaning in against his body and resting her head on his shoulder. He draped his arm around her and held her there, suddenly feeling a lot less tense.

"There's no reason to worry about me," she said, placing one small hand against his thigh. "I've been feeling great and I'm so happy." She moved her free hand to rest upon the developing roundness at her midsection, her blue eyes shining.

"All right then. I'm sorry I did not finish this for you…"

"It's okay. What happened?"

Tseng paused, unwilling to lie to her but realizing the truth would be difficult to explain. "Are you sure you wish to know?" he asked, looking down at her hand resting on his leg and studying it as if it was fascinating.

"Of course I do," Elena said softly. "Come sit on the couch with me? My feet are falling asleep!"

Tseng nodded, grateful for the suggestion after hours of sitting uncomfortably on the floor. He hated to admit it, but he wasn't in his twenties any more, and his near-fatal injury the previous year had really taken its toll. He rose to his feet first with more effort than he would have liked, then reach down and practically lifted Elena onto her own. She giggled and stepped forward to embrace him, and they stood and held each other for a moment before making their way to the living room and settling onto the couch.

Tseng leaned into the cushions, glad to have support for his aching back and neck. He lifted his arm to allow Elena to settle in against him almost without thinking about it. He had never been big on being touched or cuddling, even in past 'relationships,' but Elena had changed him. Everything about her and the connection they shared felt different from the very beginning, and none of his previous ideas and preferences seemed to apply. He supposed that was what happened when you fell in love for the first time…

"So what happened?" Elena finally asked when he showed no signs of speaking. Tseng frowned, half hoping she might forget about it and simply enjoy relaxing with him for the rest of the afternoon.

"I started thinking, and lost track of time. That was all."

"Tseng…" Elena said in that particular tone she used, part scolding and part disbelief, when she knew he was trying to slip something important past her without explaining what he meant. "_You_ don't just get distracted like that unless it's something serious. I said I wanted to know if you're willing to talk about it…"

"I know… Give me a moment."

Tseng shifted his weight, realizing he was trapped and doing his best not to show how nervous he was. She could read him quite easily by now, and though he realized it was probably useless, he could not help but try to mask his feelings. He knew it frustrated her to no end and she longed for the day when he would completely drop his guard and more easily share things with her, but it still made him feel so vulnerable and exposed. He had his moments when he was able to open up quite well, but it was not something he could do on demand or under pressure.

Thankfully, Elena knew this and loved him deeply enough to be patient and to help make it easier for him to express himself. She reached out and placed her hand against his cheek, turning his face toward her so their eyes met. "Take your time, sweetheart. You know I love you." She stretched up and kissed him softly, and Tseng held onto her for long moments, drawing strength and courage from the love she had for him.

"I was thinking about her. Do you really think I will be a good father?"

It could have easily been the hundredth time Tseng had asked his lover that question, but it was asked with just as much intensity, his need for an answer every bit as desperate. He looked into her eyes and tightened his arm around her, his heart racing in his chest. He felt sick to his stomach, her approval of him as the father of her child meaning more than anything ever had.

"Gods, Tseng…" she whispered, tears shining in her eyes. "You're still worrying about that?"

He nodded, feeling weak and pitiful. She brought her hand back to his cheek and he leaned into her touch, watching as a single tear trailed down her smooth skin. "You will be an amazing father… because you already are."

He blinked in surprise, watching curiously as she reached across him for his free hand and brought it towards her body. She moved her shirt aside and placed his palm flat against her expanding stomach, covering his hand with her own. It felt strange at first, but once he relaxed there was something nearly sacred about the gesture, and it was a bit difficult to focus as Elena continued to speak in a soft voice.

"When I was a little girl, I always dreamed that I would have hero, someone who would come and take me away from all my troubles. And more than anything, I wanted that hero to be my dad. I think most little girls look up to their fathers, the first man in their lives, you know? But my dad was more interested in the bottle than his family, and it took me almost until I left home to finally admit that he was never going to be that hero I longed for. It's silly, because I was an adult, but when I realized that it broke my heart."

Elena looked up and met his eyes, and for a moment Tseng wondered what in the world this had to do with he and the baby. He knew all about Elena's childhood and alcoholic father, and she knew much of his difficult background as well. If she needed to talk about it, though, he would be there for her and listen for as long as she needed him to.

"I am so relieved to know that my daughter will _never _have to go through that," Elena continued, fresh tears in her eyes as she gripped Tseng's hand tightly atop her abdomen. "Her hero saved her life when she was just weeks old in my womb. Her daddy gave up everything for her without even thinking about it. Learning to change a diaper or warm a bottle is easy. I've had so many younger siblings… I can teach you all of that. But what you did… _That_ can't be taught, Tseng. That's selfless, unconditional love. Our daughter is extremely lucky, and so am I. It may have taken me a while, but I'd rather find my hero late than never."

Elena had reached up and thrown her arms around Tseng's neck so quickly that he barely saw her move. Her lips found his and she kissed him passionately, and once he got over the initial shock he shifted his arm to support the back of her neck and returned it, nearly overcome with the deep emotions her words had stirred within him. As he held her protectively in his arms, for just a moment Tseng nearly believed he was the gallant hero she'd always longed for.


	18. Infection: The Turks

**Infection**

((**Author's Notes: **This was a one hour timed challenge for the random word "infection." It took me just under the full hour, and the inspiration was immediate. I already had this general thought in my mind loosely based on _Closing the Distance, _so it was nice when my 'Underground' Facebook writing group got a Sunday challenge word that fit the idea. This story takes place some time after _Irony of Fate _and Tseng's recovery from his injury at the Temple of the Ancients. Sorry I haven't done one of these recently, but none of the weekly words have been jumping out at me. If you like this series, by the way, please check out my new one, _Behind the Scenes_. It's made up of 'bonus scenes' from different points in my continuity, done in one-shot episodes just like this. Thanks so much! _~ JenesisX _))

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**Infection: **— _**n **_1. invasion of the body by pathogenic microorganisms

2. the resulting condition in the tissues

3. an infectious disease

* * *

Reno stumbled into the large shared office of the Turks, clutching a thermos in one hand and a box of tissues in the other. Rude glanced up from his computer as his partner flopped into his chair and set the items on his desk, immediately clunking his head down onto his keyboard without even unlocking his computer for the day.

"What are you, sick?"

"Yeah…" Reno groaned, his voice muffled by his arms as he wrapped them around his head. "I think I'm dying, man. Goodbye, cruel world…"

"Then why the fuck are you here?!" Rude asked with alarm, subconsciously trying to inch further inside his cubicle. "Are you trying to infect the rest of us?" The big man would never admit it, but germs really freaked him out. He could stare down the barrel of a loaded gun without blinking and disarm a bomb with a steady hand, but when faced with microscopic organisms that had the potential to shred his insides and send him to an early grave he was reduced to near panic. A sheen of sweat began to form on his bald head, and he eyed Reno as if he was one of Hojo's unstable experiments over the tops of his dark glasses.

"Got no sick time left," Reno said, finally lifting his head and reaching out to turn on his monitor. He rubbed his eyes with one hand and moaned pitifully as he entered his password. He typed it wrong, swore, and needed two more attempts before he was finally successful. "Fuck me sideways…"

"Maybe you shouldn't have used it all up on hangovers and stupid shit," Rude scolded him. He knew Reno had enough seniority to have accrued quite a bit of sick and personal time by now, but he also knew how careless he was with it. He, on the other hand, rarely missed a day unless he was extremely ill, which was also incredibly rare. Reno had also missed a good bit of time due to injuries, but that did not count against one's sick time if they resulted from an assignment and were determined to be unavoidable. Tseng was fair and almost never decided an injury was your fault, except in the case of the idiot who had shot himself in the leg, then managed to drop his firearm down a sewer while his partner got the hell beat out of him by three terrorists they'd been pursuing. Yet Reno still made fun of _Elena_…

"Shut up," Reno groaned, removing a few pills from his pocket and swallowing them with a long swig from his thermos. Rude decided he didn't want to know.

"Fuck, Reno, we took a company car together to drop off that package to Rufus' penthouse yesterday morning!" Rude exclaimed after a few minutes of typing. He reached out and pumped a generous amount of liquid sanitizer into his palm, vigorously rubbing it between his hands. There was always a bottle of it on his desk, and he used it liberally throughout the day. He knew it was useless after sharing Reno's polluted air inside the vehicle, but it made him feel better somehow.

"So…?" Reno asked, his voice nasally and congested.

"_So_ I probably already have whatever plague you've got! God dammit…"

"It's just a fucking cold or something," Reno said, reaching for a tissue and loudly blowing his nose. Several other Turks stopped what they were doing and turned his way, disgusted looks on their faces. Only about half of the group was present that morning, the rest out on assignment or down at the shooting range. Rude wished he didn't have a report to write so he could escape the germ-infested office, his skin crawling beneath his suit as he imagined the invisible creatures making their way across the aisle and entering his body. He shuddered.

"I don't _care_ what it is, I don't want that shit! If you took better care of yourself, you wouldn't get sick like this."

"Pfft, whatever. What are you, my fucking mother?" He ended the sentence with a loud bout of wet coughing, punctuating it by spitting something noisily into his trash can. "Aah, much better."

"That's fucking disgusting!" someone yelled from the other side of the room. Rude wasn't sure who it was, but he agreed wholeheartedly.

"Seriously, Reno," Rude continued, hoping that keeping his back turned to his partner might somehow ward off the flow of toxins he could just _feel_ assaulting him. "You smoke constantly, which I'm sure is _really_ _helping _that congestion. You drink too much, you… do other things sometimes. I doubt what you just took was cold medicine, right?"

"It made me feel better. So sure it was!"

Rude sighed. "You eat crap most of the time, and you don't keep a normal sleep schedule. I know it's hard with our work, but shit. You're not a teenager any more, man. I'm just saying you should take better care of your body is all."

"I don't need a fucking…" Reno paused, sneezing repeatedly until his eyes watered and he gasped for breath. "Ugh… lecture right now, yo. Can't you see I'm on my death bed? Have some mercy."

"I'm not trying to lecture you. You're my partner and my best friend. I'm only saying it because I care." Rude continued typing his report as he spoke, his dark glasses carefully in place and his deep voice as controlled as usual. He sucked at expressing himself, the reason he never made a move in time to attract a woman he liked, and it always left him flustered. He preferred actions to words, but sometimes the words were necessary.

There was a long pause, the only sounds the typing of the four other Turks and Reno's constant sniffling. "Aww. Well… thanks, man," Reno finally said. "I think that chick from the club the other night gave this shit to me. She kept clearing her throat and sneezing…"

"I hope that's all she gave you."

"Fuck you!"

Rude grinned as he heard Reno begin to slowly peck at his keyboard, still coughing and sniffling as he worked. As soon as he got home, he was going to make himself a hot cup of the herbal supplement he used any time he feared his immune system might be at risk or needed an extra boost. It tasted horrible, but he hadn't been sick in years. He tried not to think about all the invisible germs floating about in the air, leaning down and reaching inside his desk drawer for the Vitamin C lozenges he kept there and popping two of them as he continued to work on his report. He turned and tossed several of them across the aisle onto Reno's desk, hoping his friend would take the hint.

"Ooh, candy! Thanks, Rude!"

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Elena was standing behind Tseng's desk, reading over his shoulder as he scrolled through an assignment they'd soon be undertaking together. The door was closed and she was definitely closer than necessary, leaning on the back of his chair and resting her chin on his shoulder, her arm draped around the back and absently playing with his hair. It was about as unprofessional as they ever got during working hours, and it was always she who crossed the line. Tseng was as stoic as ever, his eyes never leaving the screen. But he didn't move away or ask her to stop, and she knew that meant he approved.

It was a bit difficult to concentrate, and she already had to struggle to keep up with how quickly Tseng read and scrolled down the page on his monitor. She felt a bit inferior, especially since Universal was his second language. But she was not about to ask him to slow down and make herself look stupid, so she did her best to keep up while enjoying the chance to be close to him. With anyone else, he would have simply e-mailed them a copy of the assignment, but she was his partner… and much more.

There was a sudden knock at the door, and Elena immediately jumped away from Tseng and straightened up, backing up a foot and standing tall with her hands clasped behind her back. She instantly looked as if she had been innocently reading the information just as any other Turk would have been, and Tseng didn't miss a beat.

"Come in."

The door opened and in stepped Reno, looking even more ragged than usual. Elena relaxed a bit, since the redhead knew about she and Tseng's relationship. He had teased her and hinted at his knowledge to the point where he'd been driving her insane, and Tseng felt that they could trust he and Rude. So far they had not betrayed that trust, and it was nice to have at least someone who knew their secret.

"Hey, boss," Reno said, sounding as if he was holding his nose when he spoke. "I finished that report you needed…" He paused, lifting one hand to his mouth to smother a deep cough. "Ugh, sorry."

Elena's eyes widened in horror. "Reno, are you _sick?!"_

"Yeah… why?" He sneezed twice, approaching Tseng's desk with the report in his hand.

"Don't you have any sick time left?" Tseng asked him, already checking his employee file before he even finished voicing the question.

"Do you think I'd _be_ here if I did?"

As Reno attempted to move forward and place the report on Tseng's desk, Elena stepped in front of him, blocking his path. "Wait, wait! Back up! Get away from him!" she exclaimed, placing one small hand on Reno's chest.

"Huh? What the fuck, Elena?" Reno asked, his face flushed with fever. He staggered backwards a bit, breaking into another coughing fit before he was able to speak again. "What's your problem?"

"Why would you come in here like this?!" she demanded, her voice having risen several octaves. She was vaguely aware of Tseng's eyes burning into the back of her head. "Are you trying to kill him?!"

"What?!"

"Elena…"

"He's still recovering from severe chest trauma and has permanent damage to one of his lungs! And you walk in here hacking and coughing with some… some _disease_!" Elena shouted at him.

"Holy shit, it's just a cold!"

Reno watched with a kind of sick fascination as Elena looked around the office until she spotted a can of Lysol on one of the shelves. She reached for it and began liberally spraying the air, then directed the can right at Reno himself.

"HEY!" he shrieked, trying to back away and starting to cough violently.

She snatched the report from his hand and doused it with the spray, tossing it onto the shelf like it was toxic. "If he gets sick now, it's _your_ fault!" she said, nearly tearful. Reno watched her with wide eyes, sniffling and wiping his nose on the sleeve of his shirt. He appeared completely stunned by her reaction.

"Elena, that's enough," Tseng interrupted in his usual calm tone, rising to his feet and making a face as the fumes from the Lysol overpowered the room. "Reno, thank you for finishing your report and coming in today. You may take the rest of the day off, and the next two as well."

"Thanks, boss," muttered Reno, slowly backing away from Elena as if she'd lost her mind and closing the door behind him.

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Several days later, Reno entered the office and looked around in confusion. There was no one there aside from Rude and Elena. Every other cubicle was empty, not another Turk in sight.

"What the hell?" he asked, settling himself at his desk and raising an eyebrow at his partner. "Is there a party we didn't get invited to or something?"

"Nope," Rude said, turning around and handing Reno a small paper bag from the bagel shop on the corner. "Here, breakfast."

"Ooh, thanks!" He immediately tore into it, almost forgetting about the oddly vacant and silent room.

"You helped set a new department record, Reno," Elena said a moment later, rolling her chair out into the aisle.

"I did?" he asked, already spreading cream cheese on his bagel and getting some on his pants. Rude sighed and tossed him several napkins. "What for?"

"Most Turks calling out sick on the same day."

Reno blinked, his mouth open as he paused just before taking a bite of his breakfast. A moment later, he burst out laughing. "No shit! Hahaha. Pussies!"

Rude leaned back in his chair and rolled his eyes. "See what happens when you don't take care of yourself and bring your vile shit in here? You killed the whole department! Now what if something major goes down? We're screwed."

"Oh, come on. I'm sure the three of us could- Oh shit. Elena! How's the boss? Did I…?"

"He's fine, no thanks to you. Rude gave him some of that immune system boosting crap he's always taking because he's so paranoid about germs."

"Hey! It's not crap, and I'm _not_ paranoid. Germs are everywhere. And obviously it works, because the only three people who didn't catch Reno's STD are the ones who took it!"

"It wasn't an STD!"

"You said you got it from that girl at the club."

"It was just a fucking cold!" Reno punctuated his sentence by coughing uncontrollably, clutching his chest until the fit had passed. "Ugh. A bad one, but that's it. And you all acted like the god damn world was coming to an end. Shit. Buncha babies…"

"The mighty Turks, felled by the common cold," Elena said, shaking her head as she looked around the empty office. "Why doesn't the Science Department do something useful and work on curing _that _instead of all the creepy things they do?"

"Good question," Rude said as he turned around and got to work. He had a feeling a lot of extra reports were about to come their way with so many of their coworkers infected by the Reno Plague.


	19. Tragedy: Yuffie & Marlene

**Tragedy**

((**Author's Notes: **This was a one hour timed challenge for the word "tragedy." TMI perhaps, but this was one of those random ideas I got while in the shower, haha. A bit of cuteness and humor I suppose, and other than in a chapter of _Tasks for the Turks _(I wonder if I should continue that…) this is my first time writing much of Marlene. She's about six years old in my continuity. Enjoy! _~ JenesisX _))

* * *

**Tragedy: **_n; _a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster: _the tragedy of war. _

* * *

It was Yuffie's day off, a day when she didn't have to patrol the base or supervise the fugitive Turks while they performed some horrible assigned task or other. She definitely preferred the latter, because it was much less boring. She would never admit it, but she thought they were actually pretty cool, and Reno always made her laugh with his antics when he wasn't frustrating her to the point where she wanted to strangle him. Today was supposed to be her day of freedom and relaxation, however… except for one small problem.

Her name was Marlene.

Yuffie trudged up the stairs after the energetic child, exhausted from an afternoon of chasing her along the cleanest stretch of Junon Harbor beach and taking part in various imaginative games she'd created for the two of them. She was hot and thirsty, wishing Marlene was just a bit younger and due for a nap right about now. She was a sweet, well-behaved little girl, but she had been extremely excited to have Yuffie as her babysitter for the day and her enthusiasm had known no bounds. Unfortunately for the Wutaiian ninja, it showed no signs of wavering any time soon.

"Hurry up, Yuffie!" Marlene called from the top of the stairs, waiting impatiently outside her apartment door. "I wanna show you the new board game Daddy got me! We can play and watch My Little Chocobo!"

"Okay, I'm coming," Yuffie wheezed, amazed that she was already so tired in the middle of the afternoon. And people complained that _she_ was hyperactive! _Why_ had she agreed to babysit again? Oh, right… Barret had offered to pay her in materia, and Marlene had always seemed so quiet and polite. Who _was_ this sand-covered, red faced creature hopping up and down in front of her as she finally made her way to the landing?

_That's it. I am __**never**_ _having kids…_

Yuffie removed the key to the apartment from her pocket and unlocked the door, and Marlene immediately went racing inside and down the hallway toward her bedroom. She failed to remove her sandals, tracking sand all over as she ran with pigtails flying. Yuffie only shook her head and made a face, deciding the mess was not her problem. Barret's apartment definitely looked as if a single father and young child lived there, though it wasn't unsanitary by any means. There were toys strewn about and a pile of unfolded laundry on the couch, but it was still in better shape than _her_ little suite. After living most of her life in a fancy, immaculate palace surrounded by stuffy guards and housekeepers, keeping a spotless home was far down her list of priorities.

Yuffie made her way to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to locate something for them to drink, happy to find a pitcher of lemonade that looked freshly made. She grinned, trying to picture big ol' Barret preparing it with his gunarm. He might have been loud and annoying, but if there was one thing to be said for him, it was that he adored his little girl and would have done anything for her. He somehow managed to be an amazing father to Marlene despite his rough exterior and questionable history as a wanted terrorist, something Yuffie couldn't quite wrap her head around.

Just as she removed two tall plastic cups from the low rotating cabinet that was set aside for Marlene's easy access, an ear-piercing scream shattered her peaceful thoughts. She gasped and dropped the cups to the floor, briefly relieved that they were not glass as her heart began to race in her chest.

"Marlene! Are you okay?!"

A thousand images raced through her mind as she ran toward the girl's bedroom, each more horrible than the last. Had she tripped? Cut herself? Fallen out the freaking window?! Gods, she'd taken her eye off the kid for less than a minute! Barret was going to _kill_ her! Right after she got done killing herself for letting something happen to poor, sweet little Marlene.

_Oh gods, oh gods… This can't be happening. I'll never be able to forgive myself!_

Yuffie reached the doorway of Marlene's overwhelmingly pink bedroom and skid to a stop, finding the little girl crumpled to her knees and sobbing loudly into her hands. She appeared uninjured and Yuffie finally began to breathe again, but the banshee wail that filled the air a moment later nearly stole it away.

"Gods, Marlene, what's wrong?!" she exclaimed, entering the room and hastily kneeling down beside her. "Are you hurt? Did you fall down and bang your knee?" She put an arm around Marlene's trembling shoulders, her eyes wide with concern. After a moment, the distraught girl raised her head and met Yuffie's eyes with her sorrowful brown ones, tears and snot streaming down her cherubic face.

"Uncle Cid died!" she sobbed, and Yuffie gasped with alarm. She swore her heart stopped beating in her chest.

"_WHAT?!_"

She exclaimed the word in Wutaiian but Marlene only cried harder, choking and struggling to breathe. She wiped her nose on the back of her hand, then wiped her wet hand on the carpet. Yuffie normally would have begun to gag at the sight, but she was so dumbstruck by Marlene's words that she hardly noticed.

"Who… who told you that?!" she demanded, more than a little horrified and confused. "I just _saw_ Cid this morning. He… he _can't _be dead!"

"Nooo!" Marlene wailed, shaking her head as the tears continued to fall from her chin and onto her shirt. "My fishie!" She punctuated the sentence by pointing toward the child-sized desk beside her bed, breaking into another fit of helpless sobs that shook her small body so hard Yuffie was afraid she was going to hurt herself.

"Oh! _That_ Uncle Cid!" Yuffie exclaimed, hoping her sudden relief wasn't obvious. "That uh… that's… _terrible_, Marlene! I'm so, um, sorry…"

_Oh for gods' sake… She's this upset over a stupid fish?! Scared the __**shit**__ out of me!_

As Marlene continued to cry, Yuffie inwardly rolled her eyes, looking up at the fish floating upside down inside the little bowl on her desk. It had been pretty, a deep blue with long, flowing red fins highlighted with green. It was a species that came from Wutai and had gained popularity across the world for its beauty, one more thing that had been stolen from her people and exploited. She hated the way the invaders had stormed through their land, virtually destroying it yet picking and choosing the things they liked to take back home with them. She carried so much anger with her, but had no one she felt comfortable talking to about it. None of her friends were Wutaiian except for Vincent, and it was still hard to get more than a sentence out of him even though he seemed a lot less gloomy ever since Lucrecia had returned.

"Yuffie?"

She blinked, tearing her attention away from the dead fish and back to Marlene. The tears continued to fall from the little girl's eyes, her lower lip trembling as she looked up at Yuffie. She frowned, finding it hard to look at Marlene when she was so upset. Her sorrow was contagious, and suddenly she felt a bit tearful, too.

"Yeah?" she asked, pulling Marlene into a comforting embrace.

"What are we going to do?" she whispered, her voice trembling as she choked off another sob and began to hiccup.

"Uh… what do you mean?" Yuffie asked, puzzled. "You wanted to show me your new game and watch your show, right?"

She was baffled when Marlene pulled out of her arms and glared at her before bursting into a fresh round of tears and again covering her face with both hands.

_What the hell? What did I say?_

"Marlene? What's wrong, kiddo?"

"Uncle Cid is _dead!_"she wailed into her hands. "We can't just leave him in there all by himself!"

"Oh… okay," Yuffie said, frowning. This was getting ridiculous. It was a just a fish, and Marlene was _still_ crying? It wasn't like she'd had a death in her family, watched her homeland destroyed, or lost her best mastered materia. Those were things worth crying about. Maybe she just didn't like the sight of it? Dead things did freak a lot of people out, after all. "All right, do you have a net or something I can use to scoop him out of there?" she asked, climbing to her feet.

Marlene uncovered her face, looking up at Yuffie through her tears. "Why…? What are we going to do with him?"

"Usually when fish die people flush them down the toilet."

The scream that greeted her statement forced Yuffie to raise her hands and cover both ears, wincing in pain and briefly closing her eyes.

"_NOOO! _You're _mean! _You leave Uncle Cid alone!"

_Okay… apparently that was not the right thing to say._

Marlene began to sob hysterically, and Yuffie was left standing there and feeling like the most evil being on the Planet. Maybe she ought to head to Midgar and apply to replace Hojo as the new head of Shin-ra's Science Department. It _had_ to pay better than what Cloud gave Vincent for her salary each week…

Yuffie realized just how clueless she was when it came to children, feeling horrible that she'd made the situation worse. Poor Marlene was really upset over the loss of her pet, and whether Yuffie thought it was stupid or not she knew she needed to do something to ease her pain. But what? What the hell were you supposed to do when a little girl's fish died? Yuffie had never been allowed to have pets when she was growing up, leaving her clueless. She supposed she could have called Barret, but she didn't want him to think she was incapable of watching his daughter for the day without needing help. That might jeopardize her payment, after all… and she was desperate for the older members of Avalanche to see her as mature and responsible now that she was approaching eighteen.

But Yuffie was also wise enough to know when she was in over her head, and she didn't want poor Marlene to pay the price for her ignorance. She needed help, but from someone she could rely on not to run their mouth and tell anyone else of her predicament. She quickly ran her rather short list of trusted friends through her mind as she helplessly watched Marlene cry, then got back down to her knees beside the little girl.

"I'm sorry, Marlene," she said softly, reaching out to rub her back as the girl hiccupped and sniffled. "I'm just really sad about Uncle Cid, too, so I wasn't thinking straight. If you give me juuuust a minute, we'll take _really_ good care of him. Is that okay?"

"Okay…" Marlene mumbled, leaning her head against Yuffie's shoulder and sticking her thumb in her mouth. Her sobs had turned into muffled gasps, occasional tears continuing to slip down her round cheeks. Yuffie patted her on the back, then removed her arm and quietly pulled her PHS from the pocket of her shorts. She rapidly began to text as if her life depended on it.

"_Vincent… I really hope you're awake! Listen, I'm babysitting Marlene and her stupid fish died. She's totally upset and expects me to like, do something other than flush it. But what the hell am I supposed to do? And don't you DARE tell anyone about this. You know I have dirt on you and I'll use it!"_

Yuffie sat and stared at the silent device, realizing he was probably not the most logical person to ask for advice on the matter. But she also knew she could trust him not to go and tell everyone. And he was pretty old, so maybe he had some hidden wisdom that included children with dead pets. He had a son, after all. Even if Sephiroth _was_ over thirty and something of a head case… Hmm, maybe asking Vincent for parenting advice was an even worse idea than she thought. Well, damn.

A few minutes went by as Marlene continued to lean against her, still hiccupping and sniffling. At least she had calmed down and was no longer sobbing hysterically or gasping for air like a fish out of water. _Oh, __**real**__ nice analogy, Yuff… _

Just when Yuffie was convinced that Vincent was likely pulling his vampire act and sound asleep in his creepy basement apartment, her PHS beeped with an incoming message.

"_Hold a funeral."_

Yuffie glared at the screen in disbelief for a moment before angrily entering her reply.

"_Very funny. I'm serious, you cold-hearted jerk! Marlene is crying her eyes out over here, and you make a stupid joke!"_

His next reply came quickly. _"I was being perfectly serious."_

"_Then you, sir, are batshit crazy! Go ask Lucrecia for me, please. She's probably a LOT smarter than you are."_

"_She is right here, and I already did. That is what she suggested, too."_

"_Then you're BOTH nuts! Have a nice day!"_

Yuffie growled under her breath, still convinced Vincent was screwing with her. Most people may have thought he was dark and morbid all the time, but she knew him well enough to realize that he had a dry sense of humor lurking beneath his serious exterior. You just had to pay attention and watch for it, which most of their group didn't bother to do for whatever their reasons. Normally she enjoyed teasing him and catching a rare glimpse of his sharp wit, but at that moment she was anything but amused.

"Yuffie, what's the matter? Are we going to take care of Uncle Cid now?" Marlene asked in a small voice. Gods, those big brown puppy-dog eyes were a powerful weapon, reaching right into her soul.

"Uh, yeah… in just a minute, kiddo," she said, forcing a reassuring smile. She pulled up Tifa's number and hurriedly sent a text message explaining the situation and practically begging for advice, thrilled when she received a reply within two minutes.

"_Oh no, that's so sad! Don't worry, I won't say a word. I think you should have a little ceremony for him, like a mini funeral, and bury him out in her garden. It'll help give her closure."_

Yuffie's mouth dropped open as she stared at the text in horror. She could not believe what she was seeing. Worse still, she knew immediately that Tifa was being sincere, because she never would have made a joke about something like this… which meant Vincent had been, too. Now not only did it look like a fish funeral was in her near future, but she probably owed Vinny an apology as well. _Gods, _she hated those! Yuffie Kisaragi was so seldom incorrect that saying she was sorry just felt so alien and… well, _wrong_. But seriously, a funeral for a _fish?! _Tifa had to have lost _her_ mind, too.

"_REALLY, Tifa?! Are you sure? That's like, insane. It's just a damn fish! I'm going to feel SO stupid! Do I have to? Ugh!"_

"_I think it's the best way to make her feel better. That's what I would do! Good luck! ;)"_

"Oh man…" Yuffie muttered aloud, raising one hand to her forehead. She was never agreeing to babysit again, materia or not. Ugh, Elena had already teased her about babysitting she and Tseng's daughter after she was born, too. Maybe getting friendly with the former Turks was a bad idea after all.

"What are you doing with your PHS, Yuffie?" Marlene finally asked, sitting up straight and looking up at her with curious eyes. They were still a bit tearful, but the girl had collected herself enough to want to know what Yuffie was doing. She even looked a bit suspicious.

_Shit… Think fast!_

"I was uh, making sure I remembered exactly the best way to take care of really special fish like Uncle Cid when they, uh… when they go on to the Lifestream," Yuffie said quickly, having no idea where the words came from. "I want to make sure we do everything just right for him."

"Oh, good!" Marlene said, relief evident in her expression. "He was my very first pet…" Her eyes welled up with tears again as her bottom lip began to tremble.

_Oh great. No pressure or anything… Thanks for picking today to die, Cid!_

"Um… hey, Marlene. I uh, need to use the bathroom real quick. Will you be okay for a minute?" Yuffie said, climbing to her feet and pulling up another number on her PHS. She considered Vincent and Lucrecia's votes for the fish funeral to count as only one, and Tifa's was a second… if she got a third, she'd grudgingly accept the crazy idea and go through with it. But she was hoping to any gods that might exist that she'd get a different answer this time and have another option. Someone had to be sane!

"Okay," Marlene agreed easily, pulling a moogle doll into her lap and cuddling it as Yuffie left the room and made it down the hallway and into the bathroom. She hastily closed and locked the door, then quickly dialed the number she'd pulled up and waited.

_Please please please…_

"Hello?"

_Oh. My. Gods. This can't be happening._

"Uh… Sephiroth…? Isn't this _Aeris'_ PHS? I kind of _really_ need to talk to her."

"She is meditating. What do you want?"

_Great. Just freaking __**great! **__Of all the times for Aeris to decide to talk to the Planet!_

"I uh, had a very important question. She really can't come to the phone? _Shit_…"

"No, she cannot." There was a long pause. "Could I possibly answer it?"

"Er…" Yuffie frowned, realizing she didn't have much time until Marlene began to wonder if she'd fallen down the toilet. Sephiroth actually sounded like he was in a decent mood, and he had mellowed out considerably… for him… over the past year. He was extremely intelligent, and while not very social or experienced with children, maybe he would have a fresh point of view to offer. What could it hurt? "Sure, why not. But you're just going to make fun of me."

"Try me."

"I'm babysitting Marlene, and her fucking pet fish died," Yuffie said, frustrated to the point of emulating some of the words she had learned from Cid and Reno. "She's bawling her damn eyes out and won't let me just flush it, and I need to know what the right thing to do is."

"Why don't you have a little funeral for it?"

"What the holy freaking _hell_, Sephiroth?!"

"… what?"

"Did you just talk to your parents or something?!"

"No… why?"

"God dammit!"

"You could build him a miniature coffin, write a moving tribute speech…" He paused, and Yuffie swore she could hear him snickering. "I am sure you could find him a lovely burial plot in the garden, and Marlene could paint him a headstone."

"Where the hell are you getting this stuff from?!"

"I spend entirely too much time with Aeris…" He sighed, but he sounded far more content than bothered by that fact. Yuffie was too busy thinking over his suggestions to be weirded out.

"Wow. That's… actually not bad. It would totally keep her busy until Barret gets home, then all the crying and stuff will be his problem. Hot damn. Thanks, Seph! You're a life saver!"

He snorted at those words, but when he spoke again she could almost hear the smirk in his voice. "Have fun…"

Yuffie hung up and flushed the toilet to make it sound as if she'd actually been using the bathroom for its intended purpose, then quickly pulled up Vincent's number again.

"_Hey, Vinny. I'm sorry I said you were crazy and stuff. That was actually a really good idea. I don't want to do it, of course, but… yeah. It's fish funeral time at the Wallace household. Thanks!"_

"_My name is Vincent. You're welcome."_

Yuffie snorted and pocketed her PHS, jogging back down the hallway to Marlene's room. She found the girl on her feet, staring forlornly at Uncle Cid as he floated upside down in his bowl. Gross.

"Okay, Marlene. Sorry about that, but I'm all set now. We're going to throw Uncle Cid the best fish funeral in the history of the Planet. That way, we'll be sure his trip to the Lifestream goes smoothly, and you'll always be able to remember him. How does that sound?"

Marlene turned around and smiled through her tears, crossing the room and throwing her slender arms around Yuffie's waist in a fierce embrace. "Oh, thank you!" she exclaimed, looking up at her with a sparkle in her eyes. "You're the best, Yuffie!"

* * *

((**Author's Notes: **So yeah, this was a fun little challenge, and I hope you will take a moment to let me know what you thought of it. _No one _but my beta reviewed the previous one starring Reno in "Infection," and I'm a bit worried and disappointed. Maybe you might go back and take a look at that one, too? It's kinda funny. ;) Thanks in advance! _~ JenesisX _))


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